24 NewZealandWoman’sWeekly
AFTER BECOMING SUDDENLY
SINGLE, WHEN IT COMES TO
FACING YOUR FUTURE ALONE
KNOWLEDGEISPOWER!Starting
on your
ME, MYSE
F
or Marie Jones, one of the
toughest moments came
seven months after her
husband Peter died. She went
to book tickets for a musical
performance only to realise that
she had nobody to go with.
“Peter would have loved
to have gone, but none of
my family or friends were
interested,” she tells. “I didn’t
want to go on my own, so I
ended up not going. That
was one of the times that it
hit me, ‘Oh, he’s really gone.
I’m really on my own. This is
my life now.’”
Although she’d always
thought she would outlive her
husband – he was ve years
older than her and had health
issues – Marie (76) says being on
her own for the last three years
has been much harder to get
used to than she expected.
“You don’t really like to think
about being the one who is left
behind, even though you know
it’s probably inevitable. You
think about the nancial things,
like will I have enough to live on,
but you don’t think about things
like who will I go on holiday
with, and who will get the
warrant of tness for the car?
Who will make me my morning
cup of tea? You feel very alone.
“I’m very lucky that I have a
supportive family, but it’s not
quite the same.”
There are many, many women
like Marie who are facing a
future alone later in life.
According to data from the
2013 census, 52% of women
over 75 were living alone,
compared to 25% of men.
Nearly two-thirds of all people
living alone were divorced,
separated or widowed, and
for most of those living alone
was not a choice but a result
of circumstances.
Part of the reason women end
up on their own later in life is
because they have a greater lifeexpectancy than men. They’re
likely to live to 83, while their
husbands typically get to 79.
Plus, women often marry men
a little older, which increases
their chances of outliving their
husbands, says Age Concern’s
Louise Rees.
“In many cases, women
are left on their own for many
years,” she points out. “And
sometimes, these are women
who have never lived on their
own before. They went straight
from living with their parents into
the marital home and they’ve
never been independent. So to nd themselves on their own at
this stage of life can really be
quite frightening for them.”
And it’s not just widows who
nd themselves having to adjust
to life on their own. These days
divorce among retired people
has become more common,
says Louise, who is the national
social connection adviser for
Age Concern.
“We are seeing more break-
ups in older couples, which used
to be unusual. It’s being called
‘silver separation’, and it is a
societal change. Divorce is not
the taboo it once used to beand more people are thinking,
‘This is not working; why should
I stay with this person just
because we are older?’”
Erin Lawlor (80) divorced long
before she retired 10 years ago,
so she has had plenty of time
to get used to being single.
Despite being a very
independent person, she says it
can be tricky being on your own
and that real effort needs to be
made to interact with others.
Erin moved to Logan
Campbell Retirement Village in
Auckland last year and joins
in activities there, such as theFACING THE
STUFF
TOUGH
Part four
Starting over
on your own
ME, MYSE LF & I