26 NewZealandWoman’sWeekly
Connectingwith
peoplewhohave
similarinterests
is justoneway
Erinhastried
tocombat
anyloneliness.
that around one in
every ve elderly New
Zealanders are lonely, and
that older Kiwis who live
alone are 43% more likely
to go into residential care,
even if they were otherwise
physically and mentally well
for their age. People who are
lonely are more likely to go
into care than those with
health problems, such as
incontinence, according
to the study.
“This is why it is so
important to stay in touch
with friends, to join groups
or maybe to volunteer,” says
Louise. “Maintaining those
social connections can make
such a difference.”
Louise says Age Concern
comes across many cases of
women who feel overwhelmed
when they are widowed.
“First of all, they are
grieving. They have lost their
partner and are dealing with
a terrible loss.
“Then they have to face a
lot of practical changes and
make decisions such as, where
will I live? How am I going to
pay all the bills on my own?”
In cases where couples
have relied on New Zealand
superannuation to cover a lot
of their living costs, suddenly
there will be a lot less money
coming in. This may mean a
change in living circumstances,
which can be very disruptive.
“If you are faced with
having to make these kinds
of decisions after a divorce
or death of a partner, it’s
important to talk things through
with people you trust and, if
necessary, get professional
legal and nancial advice,”
recommends Louise.
“Try not to make any hasty
moves, especially if your partner
or spouse was the one who
always managed these things.”
Often in a relationship,
partners each have their own
individual responsibilities, so
when one is gone, the other
struggles to take on tasks
they’ve never had to do.
Marie adds, “I never had
anything to do with the cars –
Peter handled all of that – so
I didn’t know how to take a car
for its warrant. I never mowed
the lawn, I never changed a
lightbulb; I didn’t even know
how to change the time on the
digital clocks when we changed
to daylight saving.”
Louise says it makes sense
to assess what you can and
can’t do in case you nd yourself
on your own.
“You should both have some
basic understanding of what you
would need to know if some-
thing happened to your partner,
for example, how to pay the bills
if it’s something they do. It’s a
conversation you really should
have, and it doesn’t have to be
morbid – it’s being practical.”
Another issue older women
face when they end up on their
own is a loss of social con dence.
“If you’ve been together as a
couple for a long time, you now
have to interact with others as
a single person,” says Louise.
“It can change the dynamics
of your relationships with other
people and how they act
towards you. Some people
nd that very dif cult.”
Louise points out that there
can be positives to suddenly
nding yourself on your own.
“You do need to nd a new
equilibrium and that can take
time, but life can go on and it
can be good. In fact, it can be
empowering to learn to do
things you’ve never had to
do, and to have experiences
you have always wanted to try.
“With the right support and
help, you can move through
that dif cult period of nding
yourself on your own to a point
in your life where you can
explore your own potential
more fully and perhaps start
doing things for yourself.
“There is still a lot to feel
hopeful about.” #
Donna Fleming PHOTOS: ROBERT TRATHEN
FACING
THE
STUFF
TOUGH
Part four