Woman’s Weekly New Zealand – September 02, 2019

54 New Zealand Woman’s Weekly

D

ealingwithgriefis hard

enoughwhenyou’re

anadult– fora childit

canbebewilderingandscary,

andtheremaybelong-term

f it’snothandled

aresomethings

if you’rehelping

h loss.

crucialfactor

g death.

avea better

yingmeans

olds,whomay

t theirheads

t thatsomeone

back.Talkto

ppropriate

e thatthey

g theirage

spconcepts

w muchtotell

ormationcan

strustfuland

turntoadults

rt.Andif

’t haveall

s aboutwhat

ppenedto

onewhohas

lookoutforphysicalcomplaints

suchasstomachachesor

headaches,troublesleeping

anddifficultiesatschool.

• Taketheirfeelingsseriously.
  Don’tbedismissiveif theyget
  upsetbecausethepetmouse
  in theirclassroomhasdied,
  forexample.Formanykids,
  thelossofa petis theirfirst
  experienceofgriefandtheir
  emotionsareveryreal.


• Givethema chancetosay
  goodbye.If youdecidedit
  wasinappropriateforthem
  toattendthefuneral,it is still
  importanttohavesomekind
  ofceremonytohonourthe
  deadperson,whetherthatis
  lightinga candle,sayingprayers
  orhavinga sing-alongsession
  offavouritemusic.Thishelps
  themtoacknowledgetheir
  feelings,paytributetothe
  personandsaytheirfarewells.


• Whenchildrenlosea loved
  one,it oftencreatesa fear
  thatsomeoneelseimportant
  tothemwilldiein thenear
  future.Reassurethemthat
  thisis notlikely.

Tears & fears

HOW TO

HELP A CHILD

THROUGH

GRIEF

died, they may come up with

their own theories about what’s

taken place, and that is not a

good thing.

• Encourage them to talk
  about how they’re feeling.
  If you don’t show a willingness
  to listen to them, they are
  likely to bottle up their feelings,
  which is not a good way
  to deal with grief – or any
  other emotion.


• Let them know they’re not
  alone in feeling upset, and
  don’t be afraid to show that
  you are grieving too and
  feeling sad. This way they will
  understand the grief is normal.


• Don’t be too worried if they
  don’t show a lot of grief. It may
  not have sunk in that someone
  they loved or cared for has gone
  for good, especially if they are
  younger. But remember that
  kids don’t always communicate
  how they’re feeling with words.
  Altered behaviour, such as
  mood swings, a fear of being
  alone, fighting or self-blame
  may be signs they are not
  coping well with grief. Also,

A child’s grief

may show itself

in unusual ways.

health&FAMILY

y

consequencesif

sensitively.Here

tobearin mind

a childcopewith

• Theirageis a c
  in understanding
  Te n -yea r- old sha
  graspofwhatdy
  thanfive-year-o
  struggletoget
  aroundthefact
  is notcomingb
  themin age-ap
  simplelanguage
  canunderstand.


• Behonest,usin
  andabilitytogras
  asa guidetohow
  them.Hidinginfo
  makethemdis
  lesslikelyto
  for suppor
  theydon’
  thefacts
  hashap
  someo