A problem shared
Mum-of-two
AnitaNaik
hasbeenan
agonyauntfor
25 years.
ContactAnita
[email protected],
follow her on Twitter @AnitaNaik, or go to anitanaik.com
Q
Threemonthsago,mymotherdied.I hada
complicatedrelationshipwithherformost
ofmylife.Shewasdemandingandpronetofits
ofanger.Forthreeyearsaftermyfatherdied,
shewouldn’ttalktome,andwhenwemadeup,
shewouldmakemefeelguiltyandreduceme
totearsoverthingsthathappenedinthepast.
Nowshe’sgoneI feelevenangrierwithher
andevenmoreguiltyaboutwhat happened
betweenus.What do I do?
Dawn, 47
A
Whensomeoneyouhavehada problematic
relationshipwithdies,theirrelationshipwith
youremainsdifficultevenafterdeath,especially
whenthingshaven’tbeenresolved.Whatmakes
thisworseis knowingit’snowtoolatetoget
closureandthatfuelsmoreangerandregret.
Thisis whyyouneedtotalktosomeonewho
understands.CruseBereavementCarehasa
helplineon 08088081677 thatcanofferyou
emotional support. Do give them a call.
3 ways to...
dealwith someone
who is self-harming
Heliestome all
thetime
Q
Ihavebeenwithmypartner
forsevenyears.He’sa good
manbutliesallthetime.It’snot
bigthingsbutstupidthingslike
tellingmehehelpedthekids
withhomeworkorpickedthem
upfroma friend’shousewhenhe
didn’t.Orhefixedthecarordid
someshoppingwhenhenever
bothered.It drivesmecrazyand
makesmewonderwhathe’sup
to,buthejust thinks it’s normal.
Nat, 45
A
Youneedtoexplaintoyour
partnerthatwitheverylittle
liehetells,yourtrustin himgets
chippedaway.Asyousay,lying
aboutsmallthingsonlymakes
youwonderif he’slyingabout
biggerthings.I suspectthisis just
a habitbornoutoflaziness,rather
thana signofsomethinggoing
on,butyoudoneedtotalktohim
andlethimknowhowdestructive
this is to your relationship.
I wantmoresex
Q
I’minmy40s,anda year
agoI gottogetherwitha
manwho’sa bitolderthanme.
Thingsweregood,andsexwas
perfect,butovertimewe’ve
gonefromalwaysbeingatit
toa coupleoftimesa month.I’d
liketohavesexatleastoncea
week,butI feelunsureabout
howtosaythis to him.
Frannie, 45
A
Whilesex
doesadjust
intoa more
regularpattern
oncethe
‘honeymoon’
periodis over,
partofhavinga
goodsexlifeis being
open.Talktoyourpartnerandfind
outif he’dliketohavemoresex
too,andif not,whatkindof
compromises you can find together.
1
TRYNOTTO
overreact.The
wayyourespond
willhaveanimpact
onhowmuchthe
personself-harming
opensuptoyou
inthefuture.
Rememberthat
self-harmis usually
someone’sway
ofmanaging
strong feelings.
2
DOWNLOADTHE
CalmHarmapp.
Thisprovidestasks
thathelppeopleto
resistormanagethe
urgetoself-harm.
Thefourcategories
targetthemain
reasonsthey
self-harmandthe
focusis tohelpthem
managetheir
‘emotional mind’.
3
OFFERTOHELP
findthemsupport.
Contactharmless.
org.ukforextrahelp
andadviceonhowto
supportsomeone
who is self-harming.
Lessthan
halfofpeople
havehad
sexat
leastonce
week a
inthelast
month
Deathcan
meana lack
of closure
PHOTOS (POSED BY MODELS): GETTY
I feel so angry
with her
ADVICE
Good