“Ntwana, really?” he says for a third time. “Cadre, at this
juncture we must set up a commission of inquiry into umjolo
to figure out what the hell is going on,” I say, with a generously
put-on accent. It earns a laugh.
“What is love ke, makunje?” I pull myself back from blurting
out “Baby Don’t Hurt Me! Remember that song?” It is an
appropriately silly response, but it’s perhaps a little too close
to home. My friend is upset. He suspects that his girlfriend
is cheating on him. I’m doing my best to distract him with a
drink and loud music.
I want to say there is nothing to fear; that it will all be alright.
But “love always wins, homie,” doesn’t leave my lips. It can’t.
I know from experience that it ain’t so. I can’t argue that his
relationship is doomed, either, however. Why worsen his mood
with cynicism? There is an app for that. Twitter!
The mind has a way of tricking itself into believing anything,
so how do we know when we are truly in love? He loves his
girlfriend. She loves him. Is that enough? While love is easy,
relationships, it seems, are hard. Is that why the internal
dynamics of a relationship take precedence over the love that
created it? If you truly love someone, is it possible for the events
inside the relationship to eat away at the love itself until all
that remains are alcohol-stained stories that conclude with,
“Sies, yazi, I can’t believe I ever loved that fool?”
If a relationship does not work out, does it mean that the
parties involved never loved each other to begin with? The answer
is simple — No! So, how is it possible to love partners we will
inevitably love no longer? Perhaps the trap lies in combining
a ‘long-term relationship’ with ‘love’. It may be even easier
to dress up the workings of ego as the conspiracies of love.
So my friend’s question remains unanswered. What is love?
It’s a debate that existed many generations before we both
were born — the human race is yet to reach consensus on the
matter. Far too many questions spring up from the original one
to return to it safely. Is the love between family members, and
spouses, biologically programmed or culturally indoctrinated?
Love is not the same as lust. But can there be romantic
love without lust? Both are associated with an intoxicating
rush of blood and feel-good chemicals, coupled with an
overwhelming desire to stay close to the one you fancy; but
sex-only relationships rarely last.
Only one chemical reaction fosters a long-term connectionWHAT
IS
LOVE?
for free —love.Sowhatisthat
thing? Theromanticsmight
claim thatloveistheactof
sharing. Loveismadevisible
by who youmissthemostin
your loneliestmoments,they
might add.Loveismanifested
when youmeetthepersonyou
imagine travellingtheworld
with. But there’sa darkerside.
Accordingtothesociopaths
on Twitter,beingdeliberate
about whoyouloveisa
‘clown’s’ game.Itleavesyou
vulnerabletobeinghurt,
they say.Thereforenoone
should betrustedwithbeing
loved loudly.Scrolldownthe
timeline however,anda post
will revealtoyouthatloveis
eWallets anda ‘carepackage’fullofR200notes.I’mafraid
myresponsetohimresembles
thewayI writehere.Clueless
inlove,buthopeful.AllI know
is thatthehighestpossible
humancallingisintheact
ofgivingandreceivinglove.
“Lovecan’tbeturnedon
asa reward.Itcan’tbeturned
offasa punishment.Only
somethingelsepretendingto
belovecanbeusedasa lure,
asa hook,forbaitandswitch,
imitated,insinuated,butthe
realdealcanneverbedelivered
ifitdoesn’tspringfreelyfrom
theheart,”saysDeborah
Anapol,inaPsychologyToday
article.
Butwe’reina bar.“Ai,
ntwana,angazi,”I said.■OPINION
WWW.TRUELOVE.CO.ZA (^) |^2019 OCTOBER (^) |^81
HIS TURN
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Jurie Potgieter GROOMING Nthato Mashishi STYLING Kgosi Modisane STOCKIST Zara (011 302 1500)
Lesedi Molefi ponders on the ever-
elusive meaning of love. Is there an
answer to this old-age question?
Love is not the same as lust.
But can there be romantic love
without lust?