Wow. That’s really
big for him to hear.
And so the work you do in these sessions is
essentially getting young people to share their
story, and the deeper parts of their story?This is the work that I’m
doing and learning now as a
33-year-old. So the fact that
these boys have access to
this is really a game changer.said to him, “I reckon you’ve got a bit of a reputation.” And he said, “Maybe.” And I go,
“I reckon that reputation serves you sometimes. I reckon you get a bit out of it; a bit of social
power, people probably don’t mess with you.” And he was like, “Maybe.” I go, “But I also
reckon you feel trapped by that. I reckon you get unfairly judged, I reckon you get sent out
all the time, I reckon you actually really want to be mates with people but you don’t know
how to let them in.”Yeah. And I said, “But I also know guys like you have enormous leadership potential.
And today I’m going to give you an invitation to explore that. In fact, who’d like to see
this side of him?” Nearly 50 hands went up in the air. What ended up happening over
the course of the day was that this boy started to open up about his story. His dad suicided
a year before and he started getting into some arguments with his mum. This led him down
a path of drugs, homelessness, rehabilitation, 10 pills a day prescribed by doctors, and he’s
just returned to school to get his education back. He’s sitting next to boys who haven’t hit
puberty. Right? So as he opens up and starts talking about this, he just transforms because
he finally feels understood. And I throw it open to the other boys: “What are you getting
from this?” And they’re like, “Fuck, I thought he was a dickhead.” And I asked them, “What’s
there for you now?” And they go, “Unbelievable resilience. Like I don’t know how I would
deal with that. I thought my life was hard.” Then the next session one of the boys was
sharing about how he was struggling with his parents’ divorce and this boy goes, “I just want
to say something. I want to give an acknowledgement to this kid because it’s so hard to be
in your emotions. And I know that from experience.” For me, that’s real leadership and a
transformed young man.Yeah, what I would say is we create a space where young
men can take off the mask they wear every day and for the
first time understand themselves and realise that their
experiences are widely shared. Some guys in our program
have said, “He’s been my best mate for seven years and I’ve just learned more about him in
the last 30 minutes.” It’s typical for boys to sit in banter and trade in banter, so we help them
experience other people, and we give them practical skills that they’ll actually use in their
lives, like how to hold space for their mates to talk about real things. You know, there’s a lot
of discussion about encouraging people to speak up about their problems, but there is very
little discussion, or skill transfer, about how to support our peers and hold space for them
when they do open up. If you’ve got a best mate who shares something with you, and you
have the ability to just listen and be with them in that moment, that’s special. Some people
don’t want to be fixed, they just want to be heard, right? And if we can start cultivating that
with young men, there is so much that can open up. We talk about it like a glass bottle of
emotion, every time you feel rejection, loneliness, guilt, pressure, shame, it’s putting these
rocks in the bottle. And eventually, if we don’t learn to take the lid off that, what’s going to
happen? It’s going to explode. All we need to do is look at the violence statistics and mental
health statistics. If we can start creating the space to let a bit of that out, our young men will
be better, their relationships will be better, their communities will be better.I agree. The design of the program is very much getting them to feel safe and
become enrolled in the importance of this work, not just for them but their
relationships too. That also comes from the vulnerability of the facilitators,
just opening up a little often gives permission for others to do the same.
A lot of these guys haven’t seen men open their hearts. And you never quite85CREATES LEADERSCONVERSATIONS