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December 2019 | REDONLINE.CO.UKred woman
horrible,’ she recalls. ‘I didn’t have anything else I could do.
All my mates were at uni. I had no employable skills or any
discernible thing I was good at. I literally went from one
summer having panic attacks and thinking, “I don’t know
what to do,” then the next summer having Groovejet come
out. It was such a contrast. But it has put everything else into
sharp relief and, while occasionally it’s probably come across
as a bit Enid Blyton when I turn up to do 22 regional radio
interviews in a booth somewhere and I’m like, “I’m happy
everybody wants to speak to me,” it’s genuine. Because I
know what it feels like when no one wants to speak to you.’
She’s refreshingly candid about her career trajectory. ‘Not
long after I signed my solo deal, I was working with [Blur
bass player] Alex James, who I did some writing with, and
I remember him saying that no one’s career is a straight
trajectory up, it’s always peaks and troughs. It was such
a good thing to hear. It allowed me to not lose my head
when things didn’t go as I wanted. Because, obviously,
sometimes you put a song out and it just doesn’t... you
know, for whatever reason, and I’m rubbish at knowing
what’s going to be successful.’
Perhaps it’s Ellis-Bextor’s optimism that has helped her
survive so long in the cut-throat world of music. ‘I’ve also
been quite tenacious,’ she says. ‘And Richard’s been really
good. He’s good at being philosophical, and never allowing
any bitterness to creep into anything.’
She met Jones when she was 22, when he auditioned for
a place in the band that would be accompanying her on her
first solo tour. ‘We started touring together, and I realised
I was always wanting to talk to him and hang out with
him. Initially, I wasn’t thinking of anything romantic. We
both had partners at the time. And then, as we got closer,
I thought, “He’s a really nice guy.” It really was just one day
of seeing him in a romantic way and then being like, “Oh my
God, he’s been right in front of me all this time”’. Within
eight months, the pair had their first child, Sonny. ‘It worked
out well,’ she says. ‘He didn’t run away screaming when
I said, “I’m pregnant.” My mum said to me, “It might not be
the right time and it might not be the right man, but it’s the
right baby,” which I think gave us both the space to grow
our relationship in the right way. It put less pressure on us.’
It’s helpful, Ellis-Bextor says, being married to someone
in the same industry. ‘We can turn work things into little
jollies.’ Although it can also be quite intense, familiarity
breeding contempt and all that, right? ‘Absolutely. We’re
not very confrontational, but I have to know how much
petulance I can get away with. I think I’d be quite
hard to live with. I don’t think I’d put up with being
in a relationship with me. I’d drive myself up the wall!’
Having a seemingly rock-solid marriage like theirs
must mean always being asked about their secret.
‘I’m always wary of this [question], because I don’t want
to seem smug,’ she says. ‘Something I’ve always put a lot
of value on, and I think Richard does too, is to focus on
everyday kindness. The big sweeping romantic gestures
are lovely, but that’s not really how you live your lives
most of the time. But then I think you also have to like
each other; apart from loving each other, you also have
to really think that they’re a nice person. I know I quote
my mum a lot, but we talk about these things, and she said,
“You know it’s the right person if you think your other
half is a little bit better than you.” I think that’s really
true. I do think that Richard is a better person, and
I think that’s a good dynamic.’
It’s clear that Ellis-Bextor is very close to her mother,
Janet Ellis, a former Blue Peter presenter, who lives nearby
in west London (she and Ellis-Bextor’s father, Robin Bextor,
divorced in 1984). ‘When I got married, she said, “Be
selfish about your marriage and if you have a choice about
what to be doing with your time, pick doing something
with Richard.” When you’re a mum, you feel guilty about
everything. If we’re going to have a night out, it alleviatesthat feeling because sometimes you do need to go out
and spend time with each other. When people have very
separate lives... that’s not what I would like for myself.’
With five kids – Sonny, 14; Kit, 10; Ray, seven; Jesse,
four, and baby Mickey – in the equation, Ellis-Bextor
certainly has her work cut out at home. How is it, parenting
such a brood? ‘Well, the headlines are “it’s all fine”.
Mickey’s like our family mascot. He just sits there in his
highchair, grateful whenever anyone makes eye contact.
But now he’s nine months, and I’m back to work properly
and not always bringing him with me everywhere, it’s
like, “Okay, logistics.”’ She takes a breath. ‘But, it’s doable.
It’s fine. We’ll make it fine. He’s here now.’
She’s the first to admit that when you’re a working parent,
raising children takes a village. ‘My mum lives really
close by, and there are a lot of women in my life who really
help me. I have an amazing nanny called Abrar. Then we
also have an au pair, Jelena, who does any evenings and
weekends when I’m away, because occasionally I need
24-hour cover, but I don’t think it’s fair or right for it'I put a lot of value on everyday kindness'
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