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youwroteyourself,withyouasthe
maincharacter,havinganexciting
adventurethatcanstillgoin various
directions.Youhavewritteneach
scenefora specificreason.Toteach
yourself—themaincharacter—certain
lessons,togrow,tobeabletotake
newpaths,todiscovernewaspects
withinyourself.
AccordingtoBouma,it’sevenmore
funif youimaginethatyou’renotonly
thescreenwriterandmaincharacter,
butalsothedirector.Shewritesthat
youlearnyoucandirectyourinner
crew,thosevoicesthatarealways
mutteringin thebackground.Justlike
directorsdowiththeiractorsona
movieset.Tellingnegativethoughts
to pipedown,tamingfears,listening
carefullytoyourfeelings,sharpening
thefocus,notjustpleasing,but
renewingyourself,excellingeven.BRAKEORCHANGEDIRECTION
Youhavetopracticeit foryourself a
whiletounderstandtheconcept.But
afteraneveningofwriting,I notice
thatit reallydoeshavea positive
effect,tostartowningmylifestory in
thatway.Forexample:‘I chosetobe
bornin CuraçaobecauseI reallylove
itsmeltingpotculture.AndI chose
theseparentsbecausetheybothlived
lifetheirownwayandwithgreat
courage.I wantedtoreceivethe
benefitsofthatkindofpowerin my
upbringing’.Whathappens,I notice,
is thatI amnowin thedriver’sseat,
asit were.That’squitea bigchange
in thinkingaboutyourlife,because
nowyouarein controloftheroad
ahead.Andsoyoucanchange
direction,putthebrakeson,stopto
havea drinkalongthesideofthe
road,throwbaggageoutofthe >the mindset people get shaped with in
their childhood homes, “the words we
have received”. And according to her,
they often have a large, either positive
or negative, influence on the choices
we make, even without us knowing it.
Bouma has noticed that people
often don’t take a close look at their
personal history unless something
bad happens. “For example, if they
lose their job, get divorced or get
sick,” she says. “They crash into a
wall and have to find a new path to
walk. To be able to move on, you
have to know what your baggage is.
Therapy is one way to find out, and
writing your life story is another way.”
The life story starts with an exposé,
which is a literary term for ‘what is
given’. “Your birthplace, your parents,
where you grew up, your skills and
personality traits: that’s the starting
point, point zero of your story,”
Bouma says. The next step requires
a big shift in your thinking. Bouma
believes that it helps to write your life
story not as something that has
happened to you, but as if you
thought it all up yourself. “As if you,
before you were born, already wrote
out your own script: I’m choosing
those and those parents to learn this
and that from. And I’m choosing these
setbacks, and these opponents,” she
says. “That’s how you become the
hero of your own story.”
Bouma goes on to explain that one
of the most powerful methods is to
look at your life as a movie script that
‘ASK YOURSELF, “TO WHAT EXTENT IS
MY LIFE FULFILLED AND WOULD I LIKE TO
GIVE THE PLOT A DIFFERENT TWIST?’’’EXERCISE: MAKE A TIMELINE
Make a timeline on a large sheet of paper, starting
with the day you were born and continuing right up
to now. You can also start a short time before your
birth and draw two lines—your father’s and mother’s
timelines—that come together in your timeline. Mark
the years on your line and note when the most
important events in your life took place. Now make
an imaginary leap to the end of your life, and
imagine that you are looking back from there. What,
ideally, has happened between now and the end of
your life? Draw it on your timeline, too. Maybe you
can steer your life to follow your dreams.