Mens Journal

a basement he was renovating and Mullally

was a sitcom star f ive months away from

winning her f irst Emmy forWill & Grace.

“Sherescuedme”hesays.“Ibecameherstu-

dent. I just pulled up a stool and watched.”

Theymarriedin2003inabackyardwed-

ding featuring a Japanese tea ceremony and

a mariachi band. “We still make each other

laugh with great regularity” Offerman says.

“I’m so grateful she will still let me milk a

joke.” (“He really gets me when he dances”

Mullally says.)

Though Offerman’s persona is in some

ways the ur-dad the couple doesn’t have any

kids. (They do have two miniature poodles

Clover and Elmo.) “I think I would have had

fun [being a dad]” Offerman says. “We tried

to have kids for a bit and it didn’t take so we

f igured we missed her window.” They dis-

cussed alternatives: adoption “something

scientific.” But Offerman’s career started

milk in it. “That’s my problem too” Offer-
man says. “I’m going to lose money trying
to make the best milkshake you’ve ever had.”
He’s speak ing metaphorically of course;
the Offerman Woodshop is doing just f ine.
(“Knock on wood” he deadpans.) The shop
functions as a co-op with each of his six
woodworkers crafting their own wares —
baseball bats meat paddles — and every-
onepitchinginoncommissionedwork.
(For example: “I just did a movie with Dave
Franco and Alison Brie and they had a new
house so we made them a walnut bathroom
counter.”) Offerman doesn’t make any
money off the shop but it supports itself
earning enough to pay everyone’s wages and
buy glue and wood. “My business manager
has given up now but for years he was like
‘Why don’t you come up with something I
can put in SkyMall?’ ” Offerman says. “But if
I did that a bunch of employees in some fac-

to take off and then he gotParks and Rec

and they realized that a home with two busy

actors might not be the most stable place for

a kid. “So we chose to remain each other’s

child” Offerman says. “I haven’t had much

reason to regret the choice.”

And in a way he gets to play father to a

few million people through his books and

his stand-up specialAmerican Ham which

features his “10 Tips for a Prosperous Life”

(say “please” and “thank you” always carry

a hanky). “It’s straight-up dad stuff” Offer-

man says. “It’s all tied to the notion that

while we don’t have kids I do have some

things to say to the young people.”

Now that he’s mastered crafting furniture

and canoes Offerman’s next big project is to

try to build his own guitar. He’s aiming for

a replica Gibson J-200 “this massive coun-

try guitar” that’s beloved by Jeff Tweedy

and Neil Young. Offerman has f lirted with

buying one for years but they usually sell

for f ive f igures and he’d listen to himself

play it and think “I can sound this crappy on

a much less expensive guitar.” So he never

pulled the trigger but eventually he had a

realization: “I’m never going to feel that my

playing deserves such a great guitar — but I

can make one of these motherfuckers.”

It’s all part of his grander plan to take a

small step back from performing and spend

more time doing other things he loves.

Mullally says he took nearly 200 f lights last

year — “which is not healthy.” So this fall

after their tour Offerman will shoot another

stand-up specialFull Bush(a n o t h e r s e x

joke) then take a break from showbiz for a

bit. “It would be really gross and immodest

of me to list the things I’ve said no to in the

last month” he says. Suff ice it to say they’re

jobs he once would have killed for — which

for a guy who’d probably rather be working

a spokeshave anyway is a genuine victory.

“I just had an epiphany” Offerman says.

“I was driving home from this woodworking

school in the redwoods and it hit me: The

reason you did this [woodworking] book was

to teach yourself to slow the hell down. I’d

spent so many years trying to do great work

and for about f ive or six years I’ve been able

to cram my gullet full to bursting. But even-

tually you’re like I need to go back to hav ing

time at home with Megan and my family.

Just being bored and doing puzzles.”MJ

Above: At home with his wife and puzzle
collaborator Megan Mullally. Below:
Celebrating a birthday at the woodshop.

“He’s not actor-y in the way a lot of actors

are — which is great because that’s

intolerable. He’s just a really solid person.”

Mac were just nice wholesome guys” Offer-
man says. “They were too decent and naive
to be successful.” There’s a climactic scene
in the movie in which Dick and Kroc have
a falling out over milkshakes because Kroc
wants to make them using powdered milk
and Dick insists that if he’s going to serve
someone a milkshake by God it’ll have

tory would make them and they wouldn’t

be happy and I wouldn’t be happy.”

“He’s like a gentleman farmer” Mullally

says of Offerman. “I call him Farmer Joe —

he’s so slow and deliberate.”

This summer Offerman is touring with

Mullally for their two-person stage show

Summer of 69: No Apostrophe. (It’s a sex

joke.) They have one of those too-good-to-

be-true partnerships perfect ever since they

met doing a play together in 2000 when

Offerman was a struggling actor living in

MEN’S JOURNAL 90 SEPTEMBER 2016

COURTESY OF NICK OFFERMAN (2)