19 October 2019 | New Scientist | 53The back pages Feedback
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[email protected]Advanced maths Twisteddoodles for New Scientist
Internet giant Amazon has attracted
criticism in recent years for the
minimal tax it pays on a business
worth billions a year. All above
board, it goes without saying.
Now, while browsing for awnings
on amazon.co.uk’s Outsunny Door
Awning Canopy page, Alan Wells
has stumbled on the company
employing non-conventional
mathematics in a different context.
“Looking at the reviews, I saw
that it had been given a mean score
of 3.1 out of 5 from two reviews,
which on further examination
resulted from one review of 5 stars
and one review of 1 star,” he writes.
To help explain matters, a bar chart
was also provided, which recorded
that 53 per cent of the two reviews
had awarded five stars, and 47 per
cent had given a one star.
“Can anybody explain the
maths to me?” he asks. We can’t,
Alan – but then our tax bill this
year was eye-watering.
Tangerine dream
From inexplicable mathematics
to unexplained science. It is well
known that US president Donald
Trump’s environmental concerns
don’t extend much further than
potential locations for his next
golf course, but a speech at a policy
retreat in Baltimore shed new light
not just on his anti-green stance,
but also his strange skin hue.
During a 70-minute speech to
captive Republicans, the president
railed against energy-saving light
bulbs, telling his audience: “The
light bulb. People said what’s with
the light bulb? I said here’s the
story. And I looked at it, the bulb
that we’re being forced to use,
number one to me, most
importantly, the light’s no good.
I always look orange. And so do
you. The light is the worst.”
He didn’t explain in detail
how this curious photochemistry
works, but Feedback notes that
Trump isn’t alone. There is
something about energy-saving
light bulbs that induces a
mysterious redshift in the
complexion of a certain type
of person. As far as the US
commander-in-chief is concerned,
he has often been accused of
gaslighting the nation; perhaps it
was only a matter of time before
he really did blame the lights.Bright spark
More light on a dark place. “I have
been trying to find a use for the
many thousands of damaged laser
crystals that exist in physical science
laboratories, and this seems to be
one way forward,” chemist Tony
Stace writes. He supplies photos
of an elegant pendant and set of
earrings in white gold, mounted
in which are crystals taken from
the heart of a solid-state laser.
In natural light, the traces of
neodymium they contain create
a faint pink-purple hue perfect
for communicating ideas of love.
Alternatively, if you pump light into
them with a flash tube emitting
at 900 nanometres, you will
stimulate emissions in the infrared.
It seems obvious when you think
about it to link these two uses of
rare metals and exotic crystals.
Rather than gathering dust, your
scientific kit can be upcycled into
fetching jewellery. A talking point
at any scientific dinner party!
But why stop there, we wonder.
Laboratories come stocked with all
kinds of esoteric kit destined to fall
into disuse: we’d love to hear your
stories of the curious afterlives of
scientific equipment.Emergency buzzing
In its eternal battle to subjugate
humankind, robotkind has
developed a new and troubling
strategy. On Twitter, Jess Kidding
discovers the following warning
on a new appliance: “GOOVI Robot
Vacuum Cleaner will emit a series
of bees when it is in trouble,”
before adding unhelpfully, “please
refer more solution with User
Manual in Troubleshooting”.
Who approved this apian alert
system? How many bees are
involved, and how does releasing
them help? We suggest you don’ttry to find out, but accompany
your GOOVI wherever it goes, and
do everything you can so it leads a
trouble-free life. No, wait – is that
just what they want you to do?Climate change bites
A Swedish economist has suggested
eating human flesh to combat
climate change. Magnus Söderlund
floated the idea, tongue in cheek
(two of the tastiest cuts), at the
Gastro Summit in Stockholm, noting
that survival in a climate-ravaged
world rests on marketing types
convincing us to develop an appetite
for new sources of protein.
Readers with longer memories
will recall that the satirist Jonathan
Swift made a similar “modest
proposal” in the 18th century, that
the Irish poor should feed their
children to the English rich. That one
didn’t fly – but then they didn’t have
marketing departments back then.Water, water...
Our nominative determinism pot
runneth over. Paul Kitcatt (four
fingers on each hand, we imagine),
spots How to Read the Weather
by Storm Dunlop. We furrow our
brow, consult our leather-bound
tomes and consider that this may
be the same Storm Dunlop who
has written on such subjects in
our own pages, and insists his
name did not predispose him to it.
Meanwhile, Chris Evans notes
a recent article on European flood
risk features one Emanuele
Bevacqua (28 September, p 18),
whose surname is Italian for
“drink water”. “A possible solution
to the problem?” asks Chris. And
browsing The Daily Telegraph,
Martin Malec discovers that
Scotland’s Rural College is working
to breed sheep that produce less
greenhouse gas. The geneticist
in charge? Nicola Lambe. ❚