E18 EZ EE THE WASHINGTON POST.SUNDAY, OCTOBER 20 , 2019
people who genuinely cared for
the kids do things deliberately
to undermine you and your
husband? Your parents are
actively damaging these kids’
very emotional foundation: the
parent-child bond. Wow.
What your kids “deserve” is
protection from manipulators
and other sick influences.
So you are the new sheriff,
and you take no bull. Zero. Let
them either respect your rules
or feel the proverbial butt-
thump of the door on their way
out. It’s learn or lose.
What your parents apparently
do like is the booster effect your
kids have on their ego and self-
image. They give cookies and
over-promise trips and post
pi ctures, why? Not for your kids’
benefits, but for their own, to be
seen as Fairy Grandparents.
Therefore, if you’re balking —
or if anyone’s harrumphing —
because it’s “just a cookie,” t hen
you need to remind yourself:
“Just a cookie” also works as a
great argument for your mother
not to give a treat she was
explicitly asked not to give.
Don’t be shy about running
these possibilities by a skilled
family therapist.
You’ll be in your brother’s
position — soon — if your
parents keep trying to
undermine you even as you deny
them such opportunities.
In the meantime, though,
maybe it’s not the worst thing to
be in your sister’s position: Te ll
Mom and Dad explicitly you
won’t stand for their disrespect
of your and your husband’s
authority as parents. Maybe
they’ll see fit to reward you, too,
with a year’s worth of relative
peace.Write to Carolyn Hax at
[email protected]. Get her
column delivered to your inbox each
morning at wapo.st/haxpost. Join the discussion live at noon
Fr idays at washingtonpost.com/
conversations.going against the way my
brother and his wife wanted to
raise their kids, and getting
extremely offended when called
out on their toxic behavior.
Rather than try to learn from
that, they treat me and my kids
however they want as
compensation for what they lost.
When one of my sisters tried
to approach them, my parents
blamed her for the problem,
talked about her behind her back
and had little to do with her for
over a year.
I feel so much anxiety about
the situation, because I know my
children love them and deserve
to have grandparents around, if
possible. But I have no idea how
to have a positive relationship
with people who make me feel so
upset all the time and who deny
any wrongdoing on their part.
What would you do in this
situation?
— ExhaustedDear Carolyn: To
say I don’t get
along with my
parents is an
understatement.
The only thing
they like more
than their
grandchildren is
being in control.
Neither of them has any respect
for the rules my husband and I
set for our household. If I say no,
my mom keeps asking, or storms
out of the room. When I tell her
we don’t give treats before meals,
she waits until I leave the room
and gives my toddler cookies just
minutes before dinner. When my
parents are sick and I tell them
not to not kiss my kids, I get
yelled at. When I remind my
parents about my child’s nut
allergy, my father tells me I’m
overreacting. It feels like any rule
I try to set, any direction I try to
go in, they’re behind me undoing
all my efforts.
My mom makes promises to
my toddler like, “You’re going to
come stay with us for the
summer!” or “We’re going to take
you to Disney World!” without
ever talking to us to make sure
it’s okay — and, frankly, it’s not.
A few years ago, I noticed a
male friend of my mother’s was
sharing photos of my child on
Facebook without permission —
I didn’t even know the man — so
I asked my mom to stop posting
photos of my child. She recently
started posting photos again of
both my children, without
asking, and I know she still
remembers my request because
she complained about it several
times.
These are just a few examples.
We used to get along when I was
younger, because I did
everything they told me to
without question. But eventually
I grew a backbone, and they’re
not happy.
My brother and his family cut
my parents off three years ago
for similar reasons — constantly
giving their unsolicited opinion,MIKE DU JOUR BY MIKE LESTERGrandparents who undermine your rules are really just doting on themselves
Carolyn
HaxNICK GALIFIANAKIS FOR THE WASHINGTON POSTExhausted: They minimize your
child’s food allergy? The visit is
over. You leave, or you ask them
to leave. (Sweet holy nuts, what
is wrong with these people?)
They yell when you ban
germy kisses? Then the visit is
over.
They slip your child a
predinner cookie? Then the visit
is over.
They post photos of your
children? They take them down
or they receive no more photos
of your children.
Your mother says, “We’re
going to take you to Disney
World!” You say on the spot: “I’m
sorry, Pooh Bear, that’s not true
— I don’t know why Grandma
said that.”
Why? Because, judging by the
pathological behavior you
describe, they don’t “ like” t heir
grandchildren. If they liked the
kids, then they’d care about
their well-being, yes? So wouldBY CHRISTOPHER BYRD“S
ayonara Wild Hearts”
is a beautifully de-
signed game about
traveling fast along
nighttime roads while listening to
good tunes. It seems to be born
out of memories of old music vid-
eos that used animation and fea-
tured people with teased hair. By
extension, anyone who remem-
bers the video for Michael Jack-
son’s “Beat It” will find a cultural
echo in the game’s dance-offs be-
tween jacket-clad gangs and their
rivals. No wonder the epigraph at
the end of its credits says, “Let’s
Pop!”
Mixing elements of racing,
rhythm and shooting games, “Say-
onara Wild Hearts” s pins a dispos-
able story (voiced by Queen Lati-
fah) around a heartbroken young
woman whose world is literally
upended after a butterfly-like
creature from another universe
wakes her up one night and flips
her room upside down. T he other-
worldly emissary hails from a
place t hat was once ruled by three
benevolent aracana — i.e. divine
tarot cards — until “a cursed ar-
cana” crossed the trio on the “as-
tral highways.” Backed by its “star-
crossed” conspirators, the das-
tardly arcana plundered the har-
mony from that universe and
cached it in their corrupt hearts.
Tumbling outside the window
of her room like loose change
spilled from an overturned pock-
et, the woman alights on a skate-
board that fell with her. Ta king it
all in as one might a dream, the
heroine doesn’t pause to adjust to
her surroundings. Instead, she
skates. The nocturnal road that
uncoils in front of her is made up
of lanes outlined in shimmering
colors. The road spirals, twists,
loops and breaks off into sections
that twirl through the air as discs
before joining other segments.
This is not a game that’s hard to
get into.
As a modernized version of De-
bussy’s “Clair de lune” plays, the
woman zooms down the road and
over jumps acquiring whatever
hearts she rolls over, contributing
to the player’s final score. Gold,
silver and bronze ranks are
awarded for obtaining a certain
number of hearts per s tage. At the
end of her initial run, the woman
falls f rom the road through the air.
Ever the symbol of metamorpho-
sis, the butterfly turns into a tarot
card and then zaps the heroine so
that her clothes are replaced with
a mask and costume in a scenethat’s pure glam.
The next stage introduces the
first of five “heartbreak” stages
spread across the game. Unlike
later stages that introduce differ-
ent adversaries, these stages are
devoid of other people. The goal
here, as elsewhere, is simply to
acquire as many hearts as possible— whether surfing on a tarot card
down a tight heart-shaped tunnel
or piloting a boat through turbu-
lent waters. Watching the levels
contort themselves into different
forms to accommodate different
mechanics, such as top-down or
side-scrolling shooting, i s hypnot-
ically satisfying.The first adversaries you meet
are the Dancing D evils, a motorcy-
cle gang that engages you in a
dance battle before hopping onto
motorcycles and speeding away.
Easily timed button presses will
get you through the d ance-off and
help you to perform some acro-
batic jumps off and back onto
your motorcycle when you later
chase the Dancing Devils. One of
my favorite stages in the game is
far more tricky in terms of timed
events. In Parallel Universes you
go after the Stereo Lovers on your
motorcycle. This androgynous
pair can float through the air and,
with a snap of their fingers,
change the layout of the road be-
tween two different states, each
with different sets of obstacles. I
loved the disorienting effect of
trying to hold a picture of a van-
ished r oad in my m ind in prepara-
tion for when it might reappear.
#GhostRider.
None of the stages in “SayonaraWild Hearts” takes longer than a
few minutes to complete. Indeed,
the game can easily be finished in
under two hours on one’s first
attempt. That said, I’ve played
through it a few times now and
I’m nowhere near tired of it. Ob-
taining a gold ranking in each of
the stages is far more challenging
than just completing them since
many of hearts required to get a
high score are nestled among ob-
stacles that r equire a bit of finesse
to acquire.
“Sayonara Wild Hearts” is a
concentrated blast of audiovisual
delight — its minimalist graphics
evokes an era where wire-frame
graphics and on-the-rail shooters
were dazzling technology. It is a
game that excels in instilling an
ephemeral sense of elation. It’s
obvious why the developers
dubbed in a “video game pop al-
bum.” I t goes down easy and begs
to be played repeatedly.
[email protected]A concentrated blast of audiovisual delight and glam pop
‘Sayonara Wild Hearts’ is a game that excels in instilling an ephemeral sense of elation — and it begs to be played over and over
SAYONARA WILD
HEARTS
Developed by: Simogo
Published by:
Annapurna Interactive
Available on: iOS,
Nintendo Switch,
PlayStation 4VIDEO GAMESANNAPURA INTERACTIVE
The first adversaries you meet are the Dancing Devils, a motorcycle gang that engages you in a dance battle before hopping onto motorcycles and speeding away.