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SexWe’re all trying to be good
feminists, and mostly there’s
nothing we won’t discuss with
friends,colleagues and partners
to make the world a better place
forus and women everywhere.
Buthands up anyone who openly
chats about masturbation – the
dos and the do yous? Flo Perry is in
a unique position to talk about it –
she discovered the wonders of
masturbationat 13 and now the
27-year-oldbisexual daughter of
transvestite artist Grayson and
psychotherapistPhilippa, has written and illustrated
a funny graphic guide calledHow To Have Feminist Sex.
‘Female sexuality is still surrounded in shame,
guiltand an overarching sense of what we should be
doing, rather than what we want to be doing,’ says
Perry. ‘So I’ve written a book because it’s time that
women work out what they want from sex.’
Here, Perry shares her sexual experiences and the
fivelessons she’s learned about masturbation
along the way.PERRYSAYS:‘Iclearly remember the first
time I told a friend I’d had a wank – I was 15. At
the time, I didn’t know anyone else did it. I’d
accidentally stumbled across it while washing
with a showerhead. I thought it was a fantastic
discovery, but I had a feeling that this wasn’t
something to talk to anyone else about.
I probably masturbated for two full years
before admitting my secret to just one
friend. I grew up in a relaxed householdin liberal utopian north London, where the existence
of sex was never a secret. But even I picked up that
wanking wasn’t something girls did. I remember
sitting in a sex ed class when I was 14 and a girl asking
the teacher what an orgasm was like. I felt sorry for
her– I definitely knew what it felt like. The teacher
repliedthat it was easier for boys to find out because
theycan just do it themselves. Any shame I felt was
eclipsed by the feeling these girls were seriously
missing out on a good time.
‘Since I told that one friend (it went well, turns out
she was also a right wanker and we talked about it all
the time after that), I’ve become more interested in
sex. At university, I did a chemistry degree, but might
as well have got a secondary diploma in shagging
about. Once, after I’d taken part in a public debate,
a friend came up to me in the bar afterwards and said,
“Thosetwo boys were talking about you. Apparently,
you’re a right slut.” This didn’t bother me – at home,
my mum had always made it clear there was no such
thing as slags and sluts, only women who were
“generous with their bodies”.
‘In between shags, I also managed to find the time
for student journalism and, after graduating, landed
a job at BuzzFeed before going freelance. I’ve had
several long-term relationships, a few more years of
shagging around and I’ve moved on a lot since
I admitted to my friend I was a wanker, but the world
hasn’t. Men are great at wanking. They tend to
start early, do it all the time and talk about it
without shame, while many women only
discover masturbation after they start having
sex, and many more never try it at all.
‘So here are my valuable lessons, and what
we can learn from men about masturbation...’...andshe’s proud for the world to know it. Here, the writer and illustratorexplains why she’s on a mission to get women talking about masturbationand kick this last taboo out of the bedroomFlo Perry iS a