2019-11-01 Cosmopolitan

SMASH THAT

UNFOLLOW

BUTTON

Make like a toxic-

garbage disposal and

dump ’em. When we

all implode from

climate change in

approx. three months,

you’ll rest easy know-

ing you unapologeti-

cally kept a tightly

edited following.

UNFOLLOW

THEM

GENTLY

Tap unfollow and duck

for cover. Aunt Carol

and that girl from school

selling permanent

lipstick probs won’t

realize you did them

dirty. If they do, they’d

believe your “Weird,

I was totally following

you!” speech.

MEH—SLEEP

ON IT

Let their fate hang

We know who you should

unfollow

on Instagram—do you?

Two acquaintances stand before me. Only one

of yo u will re m ain My Fe e d’s N ex t To p Post.

By CARINA HSIEH

Did you only follow

them back because

you think they’d shade

you if you didn’t?

Sigh, yes. I don’t

do that.

You know

them personally?

Yar. Nar.

Are they a Like you

can count on when you

post something?

Is water

wet?

Do people

keep track

of this?

Are they private

or the kind of person

who might *go*

private any day?

No way,

dude. They’re

*about* that

public fan-

base life.

Yeah, I

think

they

already

are?

Are they

fam?

Yep. Nope.

But, like,

literally fam?

Yeep. Neep.

Confirmed. I don’t

care.

Would it be awkward

i f t h e y r e a l i z e d y o u w e r e

no longer mutuals?

Just checking: Is

this follow-stential crisis

related to maintaining

a favorable following/

followers ratio?

Yeet. Un-yeet, I

just want to

cleanse.

S T A R T

Do you DM their

p i c s t o y o u r f r i e n d s

to talk shit?

Yikes. Do

you think

they know?

They’re not

even that

interesting.

randoyouwenttohighschoolwith

UMMM...NO?

you

32 Cosmopolitan November 2019

PH

ON

E:^

DA

NI

ELL

E^ D

AL

Y.^

CO

UP

LE:

G

ET

TY^

IM

AG

ES

.