In the ’90s and ’00s, we
were all salamanders.
By which I mean we had
little arms and legs but
were mostly just torsos.
The more torso, the better.
You know what they said:
The longer the torso, the
closer to God. (They did
not say this, but they might
as well have.) Now that
hip-huggers are an It Girl
staple again, let’s review
what life is like as a fash-
ion amphibian, shall we?Butt cracks.
Everywhere.
A plate of delicious pasta
sits in front of you at a
fancy restaurant. You
twirl your fork, loading
up on those sweet carbs.
Just as you’re about to
take a bite, you look up,
absorbing the general
ambience. That’s when
you notice ’em all around,
pressed between the seat-
back bars. You put your
fork down.The “hike-up” is
basically your job.
Grabbing your belt loops
with your index fingers,
you heave upward. Ah,
your pants are in the right
place. You sit. What’s
showing? You stand
up. Perform the move
again. Will they stay?
The cycle repeats for-
ever, because—didn’t you
notice?—you’re in hell.Support? Who
needs it.
Every now and then, you
faintly remember a time
when extra supportive
inches circled your core
in a nice denim hug that
helped you face the reali-
ties of daily life. At least
you have the memories.Tunics, all the time.
Tops as you know them
cease to exist. They’re
replaced with extremely
long alternatives that
accentuate your salaman-
der vibe, duh. The old
shirt length becomes a
crop top. These are your
only options.Low-rise jeans
are back and it’s
terrifying
Fr
ame,
$
220 ,
frame-sto
re
.c
omDL1961,^ $189 ,
d
l^1961.comCi
tizens^ of^ Humanity,^ $90,^ ant
hr
opol
ogie
.comLevi’s,^$^60 ,
levi.comFIIINE...IF YOU
MUST, THESE
NEWBIES ARE
PRETTY CUTEGird your
(literal) loins.
Road trip! You finish a
cold drink in the driver’s
seat, but oh, no. A stretch
with no rest stops, and
that waistband’s digging
into the top of your
bladder. Think you can
hold it? Looks like a bush
on the side of the road
for you.NOWTHEN
fashionGETTYIMAGES
(^6
).52