Forced pregnancyloving other women. I find no relation
between one thing and the other. They
think we’re going to change. They feel
betrayed if we don’t.
Now I see it. They said in my family
that they had lost me, that I had to leave
an element with my blood in the family.
I thought they would change if I did this
for them. That they’d love me like they
did before. Now they hate me even more.
And on top of everything, there’s this
baby I have. What am I to do with him?
Why am I a lesbian? Nobody answers
me that. I wonder about it a lot. I have
to accept that I am this way. I don’t pity
myself. Nor can I imagine myself not
being a lesbian. Ceasing to be myself.
When I walk through the streets, the
Christians tell me that the Pope hasn’t
decreed that I have a right to exist
either. They point out that I am this way
because the world is backwards, because
the end of the world approaches. I ask
myself: the President of Equatorial
Guinea and the Pope don’t accept my
existence: why should they decide about
my life? I don’t do the same about theirs,
I don’t even know them, and given the
life I lead and how I am, I don’t want to
know them, either. I exist because God
created me this way, just as he did with
the Pope and with the Chief of State.
I am a daughter of God, like they are
children of God. They have no right to
decide about my life.
My pregnancy was bad, terrible.
People began to say that I had stopped
being a lesbian because lesbians don’t
get pregnant. After giving birth, homo-
sexual friends came to the house to see
the child; my family members were dis-
mayed: I hadn’t changed with maternity.
My grandmother was very dismayed. My
mother was very dismayed. The entire
family felt dismayed.
Over the course of my pregnancy,
the man who had impregnated me was
declared a hero. Everyone sought himout. People wondered who had been
able to impregnate a lesbian. I was very
ashamed. Those bitter fucks, high on
alcohol and cocaine, that gave me a child
I didn’t want, had become admirable
actions. ‘I want to give something to the
man who got you pregnant.’ I realized
that nobody knew me.
I’ve always been an unknown. Some-
times, when they talk here, in Bata, about
homosexuals, I wonder if they’ve ever
made an effort to know who we are. OTRIFONIA MELIBEA OBONO’S NEW BOOK YO NO
QUERÍA SER MADRE – VIDAS FORZADAS DE MUJERES
FUERA DE LA NORMA WAS PUBLISHED BY EDITORIAL
EGALES, MADRID, IN OCTOBER 2019.
LAWRENCE SCHIMEL IS A BILINGUAL (SPANISH/
ENGLISH) AUTHOR AND LITERARY TRANSLATOR
LIVING IN MADRID.