CHAPTER 26
DID I INSPIRE AN SNL SKIT?
I
n the late 1980s, after returning to DC for specialized training prior to
my onward CIA assignment in the Balkans, I took my eighteen-month-
old daughter on the Amtrak from Union Station to New York for a long
weekend. Stacy flew up ahead of us to spend time with her family. When
my daughter and I got off the train at Penn Station, we were met by her
uncle John and his childhood friend Jon Lovitz. Lovitz was a popular Sat-
urday Night Live (SNL) cast member at the time, famous for his role as Tommy
Flanagan, the Pathological Liar. (Since I had been out of the country for
the preceding three years, I was only peripherally aware of this partic-
ular bit of American pop culture.) Afterward I handed off my daughter to
Stacy before John, Jon, and I spent a laugh-filled afternoon over lunch and
walking aimlessly around midtown Manhattan.
During our few hours together, Lovitz was relentless in asking me
probing questions about my real work overseas, while I was hoping to learn
more about the SNL cast and upcoming skits before Saturday’s live perfor-
mance, to which Lovitz graciously provided tickets.
“What exactly do you do for the government?” Lovitz began. “Are you
a spy?”
“Do I look like a spy?” I replied, a change from my usual “If I am,
no one told me!” response. “Will Dana Carvey do Church Lady this
weekend?” I was hoping to change the subject, and I really was looking
forward to a live performance of the Church Lady.
“Tell the truth, do you kill people?” Lovitz continued, ignoring my
question. “How many people have you killed?”
“If I told you, I’d have to blind you. Is Phil Hartman ever not funny?” I
queried. Bear in mind, this was before Phil Hartman evolved into Unfrozen
Caveman Lawyer.253