86 AMERICAN SPY
We reviewed this scenario in detail over several beers one night in
the Student Recreation Building (SRB aka CIA bar). “Girls Just Want to
Have Fun” was playing on the jukebox for the third time that night, and
someone was asleep on the pool table. It may have been Charlie. At any
rate, the runway was not all that long, which was one reason we used the
short takeoff and landing Twin Otter. Some quick beer math told us the
odds of the plane and the pickup truck aligning perfectly, and at the same
velocity in the middle of that very short runway were somewhere between
“Yeah, right!” and “Ain’t gonna happen!” Not that I had any better ideas
for how to deal with an unconscious, towed jumper, but I was not going to
crash and burn quietly.
I led the next day’s PT with the following, morale-boosting jody call,
specifically tailored to our training:
“Towed from a plane, PLF in a truck... sounds to me like a clusterfuck.”
“Secure your chutes!” became a popular catchphrase during paramilitary
training and jump school, and it carried through to the more civilian (and
civilized) ops course. This was undoubtedly another of Big Dale’s gems,
and I heard him yell it one night around midnight as fair warning before
he wreaked havoc on the bachelor officers’ quarters (BOQ) during the ops
course. His modern-day “fee-fi-fo-fum” was immediately followed by the
sound of slamming (and locking) doors up and down the BOQ’s corridors.
What provoked this outburst? When Big Dale returned from the SRB that
night, he couldn’t help but notice that someone had moved his bed, dresser,
clothing, and belongings outside onto the grass. Set up exactly as it had
been in his room.
So, besides its literal meaning regarding parachutes, the phrase also
implied something along the lines of “Prepare to be screwed, anally.” Its
distant linguistic cousin, Bohica—“Bend over, here it comes again”—was
also heard on a regular basis in elite CIA circles. Along with the infamous
“Death by Roo-Roo!” joke, which involved American hostages, primitive
jungle tribespeople, and buggery.
Why nonconsensual anal sex humor was so prevalent during CIA
training (and beyond) is anyone’s guess.