- How to give and accept compliments.
- Controlling one’s ego.
- Developing empathy.
- Respect for others.
Because all cultures prepare their members to live among other people, it should not
be surprising that many of the same social skills are taught in every family. For example,
instruction in good manners is stressed in every culture, for without some degree of civil-
ity, you would have chaos and confusion. Yet the emphasis placed on many common
child-rearing“messages”varies as you move from culture to culture. Let us briefly look
at two social skills that are often at variance when we compare cultures. These are
(1) the importance placed on face-to face communication and (2) aggression behavior.
Communication Skills
You can also observe cultural differences in the teaching of communication skills
when you look at family patterns regarding how children are taught the value placed
on interaction. Children must learn about words and nonverbal actions so that they
can become competent members of their culture. As Park and King note,“Through
this language socialization, children learn the behaviors that are culturally appropriate
in their community.”^153 Of course, what is“appropriate”is rooted in culture. When
applied to the dominant culture of the United States, we turn to Cheal, who offers
the following commentary on the place of talk in American families:“One of the
main things family members do is talk. They talk as they go about their daily routines
in the household. They talk when they visit or phone distant members who want to
be informed about what is going on within the family.”^154 From a very early age,
American parents encourage their children to express themselves regardless of the
topic or the context. As Kim points out,“Speech and self-expression hold particular
importance in individualistic cultures.”^155 As you might imagine, such a view regard-
ing oral expression is not universal. For example,“In the East Asian cultural context,
expression of one’s thoughts may be neither particularly encouraged nor viewed posi-
tively,”^156 thus the Confucian saying“The superior man is modest in his speech, but
exceeds in his actions.”We can see a specific reflection of this view in the Cambo-
dian culture as described by Park and King:
Among Khmer families in Cambodia, a child’s polite behavior is considered a sign of the
family’s high social status and the child’s good moral upbringing. Thus Khmer parents
raise their children to display behaviors such as greeting elders in polite ways or addres-
sing others with proper terms that mark relative social status.^157Aggressive Behavior
Another example of cultural differences in child-rearing practices can be seen in a
culture’s acceptance or rejection of aggressive verbal and/or nonverbal behavior.
What we know about the link between culture and aggressive action is clearly stated
by Rahman when he asserts,“Culture is an important factor that plays a role in
aggression.”^158 Behind Rahman’s observation is a body of research demonstrating
that some cultures are low in aggression, whereas others are marked by a high level
of aggression.^159 A few cultural examples buttress Rahman’s remarks. We begin with
families of the dominant North American culture, where studies have shown that98 CHAPTER 3•The Deep Structure of Culture: Lessons from the Family
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