z During the course of writing 7KH /HFWXUHU¶V 7DOH, the character of
Professor Victorinix changed from a minor character to a major one.
She also changed from merely chair of the English department to,
possibly, a vampire. These changes forced additional revisions to the
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and full of physical details:
Professor Victorinix was a small, slender, thin-lipped woman
with cropped, silvery hair, and a bloodless manner barely
masked by a disinterested politesse. Even during the day
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the shadows just beyond the direct glare of the lamp. The
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her cheekbones, the deep groove between her eyebrows, the
smooth skullcap curve of her forehead. She regarded Nelson
with a gaze that seemed to him aristocratic, ancient, bored.“Under the circumstances,” she said, “I realize that our
gratitude may not mean much to you.”z The additional details here reinforce the fact that Victorinix is powerful
and a bit menacing and that she will be important later on. And the use
of Nelson’s point of view in the opening reinforces the fact that he’s the
main character of the book.
z Notice that these revisions serve every level of the book. The larger
narrative is served by introducing Nelson’s point of view and by
providing a more vivid and memorable introduction to Professor
Victorinix. The chapter is served by starting with a brief description
of the accident, then backtracking to show a bit of what happened just
before it. The scene is served by providing more action and dialogue to
evoke the situation rather than just describing it. And the prose is served
by making the sentences clearer and more dynamic.