Esquire USA - 10.2019

116 October 2019_Esquire

this Way Out

will about

did have an

Esquire-

approved cut.

I miss the

days when Mitt

Romney’s hair

was the most

annoying thing

about him.

These are not

that Esquire’s staff

used to drink on the job.

A sober person did not write

this headline. I’ve read

it six times, and I still don’t

k now w ha t i t me an s.

I must admit, he

has excellent hair.

Romney should do us all

a favor and send his barber

to the White House.

Which w ill prove my theor y

that the president’s

source of power lies hidden

in that sweaty nightmare atop

PHOTO CAPTION:

A gallery of

who know that

good looks start

at the top.

“CHOICE CUTS,”

JUNE 1986

The Endorsement: Mitt Romney’s Hair

“GROOMING TUNE-UP, PART ONE,”

MARCH 2010

PHOTO CAPTION:

Credit where

it’s due: You guys were

onto something

here. I prefer a man

who just uses water

to style his hair.

Pomade makes you

look like a Ken

doll who fell into a cup

of clam chowder.

No 25

WHITNEY CUMMINGS,

RETROACTIVE OMBUDSMAN

ESQUIRE’S been around for eighty-six years and counting. We don’t

always get it right, okay? We recruited the funny person at left—

whose Netflix special CAN I TOUCH IT? is must-see TV—to serve as our

resident self-critic. We asked her to tread lightly. She didn’t listen.

OF THE

ESQUIRE G

UIDE TO

FUNNY 2019

TU No 1 – 24

RNTO PAGE (^76) F
OR