September 23, 2019 The Nation. 5
(continued on page 8)Dear Liza,
I am hoping that you can help resolve a disagree-
ment between my partner and me about tipping
in shops with counter service. She thinks that it is
appropriate to tip—and tip generously—whenever
there is a tip jar out. I feel that a tip is merited
when you are getting food brought to your table or
occasionally if someone makes you a fancy coffee.
An important note is that she grew up in the US,
whereas I am from the UK. So many places now
have tip jars. I sometimes tip in the supermarket
if they bag my groceries. But should we tip at the
local bakery when they slice the bread for us? What
about in the local bodega where I serve myself soup?
We both have professional jobs and disposable in-
come, and we both identify as democratic socialists.
I am all in favor of the redistribution of wealth, al-
though by nature I am frugal. I am also concerned
that employers might use the tips as an excuse to
pay workers less. Can you please help resolve this
domestic quandary? —Parsimonious BritDear Parsimonious,Y
ou’re both right. In the United States, tip-
ping is essential when someone provides a
service that is prolonged and personalized:
bringing food to your table throughout a meal, cut-
ting your hair (if the stylist doesn’t own the salon),
doing your nails, delivering pizza to your door. For
these jobs, the wage is low, and the level of service
you receive is intense. In cafés and supermarkets,
even where a tip jar is provided, tipping is optional
because, as you note, the level of personal service
you receive is minimal. However, the worker’s
wage in such places is equally low. Your partner is
right to feel that, for people getting by in reason-
able comfort, it is both friendly and redistributive
to tip even in these ambiguous settings—and I, for
one, always do.
I share your objections to this system, Parsimoni-
ous. I believe, as you do, that people should be well
compensated by their employers and not have to
hustle the public every minute to make ends meet.
A person just trying to buy a cup of coffee and get
through her day should not be penalized for the in-
stitutionalized Scrooginess of the employer class. But
by refusing to tip, we don’t pressure employers to pay
their workers better.
You and your partner could simply agree to do
whatever each of you is most comfortable doing,Are Gratuities Ever Gratuitous?
Questions?
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ILLUSTRATION BY JOANNA NEBORSKY
since neither of you is wrong. That might be the easiest way to resolve the
practical side of this dispute. But if you share finances, it may feel more
pressing to reach an agreement. Perhaps you can work out a policy that
satisfies you both—for example, never tipping in the supermarket or for a
simple croissant handoff but always when a barista or bodega worker has
made coffee or a sandwich for you. Some concrete guidelines could help
you avoid annoyance with each other, especially when you happen to be
standing together at the bakery cash register.
Dear Liza,
I am confused about the boundaries of cultural appropriation for
teens. I am a white female who lives in the conservative Deep South and
attends a private school in a Protestant environment. Very
few people of color attend the school. At our last class peri-
od, we had to turn in our textbooks, and a few of the guys
(but especially one) tied their textbook covers into do-rags,
pretended to shoot people, threw gang signs, and tried to
Crip-walk. I became upset and talked to them about it, but
they said I was the one in the wrong because I interpreted
their actions in a racist way. The teacher, who is white,
condoned their behavior. She said, “Boys do that some-
times.” Now I think that I might have overreacted. What would be the
best response to their behavior? —Woke Southern Belle
Dear Woke Belle,
F
or some white boys, the most stereotypical and violent
expressions of black masculinity have outlaw cachet. And
thanks to the cultural moment we’re in—a battle between
liberal norms and presidentially endorsed white supremacy—so
does racism. But it’s unlikely that your classmates would have acted