Section:GDN 1N PaGe:5 Edition Date:190829 Edition:01 Zone: Sent at 28/8/2019 21:01 cYanmaGentaYellowbl
Thursday 29 Aug ust 2019 The Guardian •
5Sketch
John CraceOutrage! Dictatorship!
Coup! Julius Caesar
would have killed for
headlines like these
T
his was rapidly turning into the holiday
from hell for the Queen at Balmoral. It had
been bad enough having to deal with the
fallout from Prince Andrew’s friendship
with Jeff rey Epstein , but then had come the
early morning phone call from No 10 saying
that the pompous fool Jacob Rees-Mogg was on his way
to get her to sign off the prorogation of parliament.
After that, the shit really hit the fan. First Jeremy
Corbyn had started pestering her for a cup of tea and a
chat and then Jo Swinson and Anna Soubry had made
the same demands. What the hell did they expect her
to do? Stockpile a load of Scottish shortbread? God, she
hated the current madhouse in parliament.
Back in Westminster, Boris Johnson was pleased
with the way the day was panning out. He had expected
some pushback from his cabinet when he’d told them
he was planning to do the one thing he’d said he wasn’t
attracted to , but most had just said they always knew he
was untrustworthy and so had been half expecting it.
Sajid Javid had been a bit miff ed to have his big
spending review speech cancelled but Matt Hancock had
just rolled over and said he’d never been that serious
about his opposition to prorogation and that those who
had died on D- day for democracy had got what they
deserved. An insult was all they were now good for.
Dear, dear Matt. So brave. The only slightly squeamish
person had been Amber Rudd who had suggested the
Conservatives would be screaming blue murder if
Labour had tried to pull a similar stunt. But she’d been
palmed off with a quick reminder that she had a tiny
majority in Hastings and Johnson
could fi x it for her to lose her seat at
the election. Besides, it was a bit late
in the day to suddenly remember
she had principles.
Selling the prorogation on a news
clip to Sky had also been a piece of
piss. He’d spent a lifetime lying to
his family and employers, so lying
to the whole country now came as
second nature. Rather, it came so
easily he was now no longer able
to properly diff erentiate between
reality and lies. His personality type really had its uses.
At times like these, what the country needed was a
delusional narcissist.
The reaction to the prorogation had been everything
Johnson had hoped. The remainers had gone berserk,
crying: “Coup!”, “Constitutional outrage!” and “Fascist
dictatorship!” Julius Caesar would have killed for
headlines like these. Come to think of it, he had been
killed for headlines like these.
By early evening, Johnson settled down to share some
Kool-Aid with Dominic Cummings. “So, genius,” he had
asked. “What happens now?” Cummings shrugged. “We
might get some kind of Theresa May deal or we might
get a no deal ,” he said. “We might win an election and
we might not. My job is just to cause as much trouble
as possible and stay one step ahead of the opposition.
Don’t come looking to me for answers.”
The prime minister settled down to watch Little
Britain repeats on YouTube. This was the country he
was proud to lead. A country where most people had an
inside toilet. A country where dementia patients didn’t
even know they were dying in squalor. A country where
democracy was too precious to be wasted on parliament.
A country where the pound was almost at parity with
the euro and dollar. A country crying out for a Churchill.
And had been landed instead with a total Johnson.‘ His personality type
really had its uses.
At times like these,
what the country
needed was a
delusional narcissist’Kate ProctorThe Commons speaker, John Bercow,
issued a stinging criticism of Boris
Johnson’s intention to prorogue parlia-
ment , describing it as a “constitutional
outrage” aimed at stopping MPs debat-
ing Brexit.
In a furious statement he said he
had not been consulted by the prime
minister, who he said risked under-
mining his democratic credentials.
Bercow is expected to ensure the
Commons has a chance to discuss
the move, and table anti no-deal leg-
islation, as soon as it returns from the
summer recess.
“I have had no contact from the gov-
ernment, but if the reports that it is
seeking to prorogue parliament are
confi rmed, this move represents a con-
stitutional outrage,” he said. “However
it is dressed up, it is blindingly obvious
that the purpose of prorogation now
would be to stop parliament debatingSpeaker
Angry Bercow
backs demand
for debate
Brexit and performing its duty in shap-
ing a course for the country.”
The speaker, who is away on hol-
iday, added: “ At this early stage in
his premiership, the prime minister
should be seeking to establish rather
than undermine his democratic cre-
dentials and indeed his commitment
to parliamentary democracy.”
MPs are expected to ask the speaker
either to give them time to discuss pro-
rogation when parliament returns next
week or fast forward cross-party legis-
lative plans to try to prevent a no-deal
Brexit. It is understood there will be
attempts to try to push anti no-deal
legislation – which was set to be
timetabled for the end of the month- through both houses of parliament
between 4 and 9 September.
The Conservative MP and former
attorney general Dominic Grieve said
he and others were working on a plan
to organise a “humble address”, which
is a direct call from the Commons to
the Queen.
He said: “I think the decision to pro-
rogue for fi ve weeks is constitutionally
wrong and frankly outrageous. It’s
possible to do a humble address to
the Queen to say that we should not
prorogue. Boris Johnson must assume
he is going to escape parliament, and I
don’t think he is.”
A humble address is binding and can
be used by the opposition to express
its strength of feeling to government or
request that it hand over documents.
Johnson loses Johnson winsIgnore themWeek of 9 September
parliament suspended14 October
MPs return, to a new Queen’s
speech setting out Johnson’s
domestic priorities17 October
Johnson goes to European
council meeting – at which
he hopes they ratify a
renegotiated dealParty conferences begin
and negotiations with the
EU27 continueCorbyn and
opposition have
14 days to try to
assemble an
alternative
majorityMPs may also try
to pass legislation
mandating Boris
Johnson to extend
article 50 if he
doesn’t get a new
Brexit dealCorbyn has said he
would run a caretaker
administrationIf they succeed,
he could ...EU does
not ratifyEU
ratifiesJohnson winsJohnson
loses31 October
Britain leaves
the EU without
a deal21-22 October
MPs debate and
vote on new
Brexit dealCorbyn
could call a vote of
no confidence with
just days to spare
before exit day31 October
Britain leaves
EU with a deal.
Johnson calls
election soon afterThe government
will say legal
default is no deal3 September
Parliament returns from recessJeremy Corbyn
calls a vote of no confidenceCorbyn
does not call a vote of no confidenceAsk EU for extension
to article 50Call a general
electionCall a ‘people v
parliament’
general election‘A very British coup’
Reaction across the
political spectrum
‘Suspending parliament is not
acceptable, it is not on. What
the prime minister is doing is a
sort of smash and grab on our
democracy in order to force
through a no-deal exit from the
European Union’
Jeremy Corbyn
‘This move represents a
constitutional outrage.
However it is dressed up, it is
blindingly obvious that the
purpose of prorogation now
would be to stop parliament
debating Brexit and
performing its duty in shaping
a course for the country’
John Bercow
‘I have no doubt that the prime
minister’s motive in seeking
prorogation is to bypass a
sovereign parliament that
opposes his policy. As events
unfold I will continue to seek
advice on the legality of this
and other matters ’
John Major
‘The courts will come to
their decision, but this is a
completely normal procedure’
Jacob Rees-Mogg
‘Would be very hard for
Jeremy Corbyn, to seek a
no-confi dence vote against
new prime minister Boris
Johnson, especially in light of
the fact that Boris is exactly
what the U.K. has been looking
for, & will prove to be “a great
one!” Love U.K.’
Donald Trump
‘This action is an utterly
scandalous aff ront to our
democracy. We cannot let this
happen’
Tom Watson
‘Make no mistake, this is a very
British coup. Whatever one’s
views on Brexit, once you allow
a prime minister to prevent the
full and free operation of our
democratic institutions you
are on a very precarious path’
John McDonnell
‘Our prime minister is
arrogantly attempting to
force through a no deal Brexit
against the democratic will.
He is outrageously stifl ing the
voices of both the people and
their representatives’
Jo Swinson
Timetable
What could happen next▼ Commons
speaker John
Bercow said
No 10 had not
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