Daily Mail, Friday, August 30, 2019 Page 19ITTLEJOHN
[email protected]favoured by groups like Blue Mink
half a century ago.
We live in an age of instant,
perceived outrage, when we must
all be protected from insensitivity.
It can only be a matter of time
before Ofcom bans Black Is Black,
by Los Bravos, and the old music
hall favourite Any Old Iron, by
artistes various, including Peter
Sellers, Harry Champion and
Kermit the Frog.
These days, Any Old Iron is
considered toxically homophobic.
According to a piece in the
Guardian — where else? — Any
Old Iron is full of, and I quote,
‘steamy queer meanings’. Forthe uninitiated, ‘iron hoof ’,
shortened to iron, is rhyming slang
for ‘poof ’.
And Daddy Wouldn’t Buy Me A
Bow-Wow, for reasons I won’t
go into here, is something to do
with lesbians.
You live and learn.
Anyway, it’s hardly surprising
that Melting Pot doesn’t make the
cut. Maybe it’s time someone
rewrote it, properly to reflect our
modern times.
So here, with apologies to the
great Greenaway and Cook,
laydeez and gennulmen, I give you
Melting Pot 2019, by BlueErmine. As always, it helps if you
sing along...Take a pinch of Brexit
Until Gina Miller wrecks it
Add a touch of Boris
And a little-bitty bit of Jacob
Rees-Moggsurly Anna soubry
Has gone completely
Looby Loobry
Lump her in with Bercow
And you’ve got a recipe for a Very
British Coup
Yes, she does like a drink
Just don’t mention the ChinksHUAWei, HUAWei...What we need is a Great
British farewell
Big enough to tell Remain to go
to hell
or we’ll be squabbling for 100
years or more
Let’s stop Brexit being such a
sodding bore.spread-fear philip Hammond
needs his head examined
so does John McDonnell
Diane Abbott and his lordship
Michael Heseltine, too.HUAWei, HUAWei, THe LADs!Hypocrite Keir starmer’s
Having trouble with his farmers
Ally Campbell’s such a charmer
He says we should all get together
and overturn Leave
Jacob, call up the Queen
it’s only fair she prorogues,
prorogues, prorogues!What we need is a Great
British farewell
Big enough, big enough to tell
Remain to go to hell
or we’ll be squabbling for 100
years or more
Let’s stop Brexit being such a
sodding bore...F
IFTY years after it reached the
Top Ten, Blue Mink’s smash hit
Melting Pot has been banned
from the airwaves.
The broadcasting watchdog Ofcom
has ruled that the 1969 Number Three
song is ‘racist’ and too ‘offensive’ for
modern audiences.
Which is pretty hilarious, given that it was
intended to celebrate racial integration, and
featured the fabulous black American singer
Maggie Bell alongside Roger Cook, who
co-wrote it with his regular songwriting part-
ner Roger Greenaway.
Along with the Equals, Georgie Fame’s Blue
Flames and Hot Chocolate, Blue Mink were
one of Britain’s pioneering multi-racial pop
groups. The modern diversity police, however,
object to references to ‘curly Latin kinkies’,
‘yellow Chinkies’ and ‘Red Indian boy’.
This is despite the fact that the song
imagined all the races combined in a ‘great
big melting pot’ which would ‘turn out coffee
coloured people by the score’.
Still, irony and a proper sense of proportion
have gone the way of bowler hats, frock coats
and pinstriped strides. Or, come to that, long
hair, large collars and the kind of loon pantsMELTING
POT 2019
All together now, it’
s...
What fun to hear the Remoaners squealing
HAVEN’T stopped laughing since Boris bowled
the Remoaners a short one which would
have done Jofra Archer proud.
Get that in the lower abdomen for
a start, mate.
Goodness knows how he’s
managed to keep a straight face,
pretending that proroguing
Parliament is all about preparing
for the Queen’s Speech.
And nothing to do with making
sure Brexit actually happens on
October 31 — cross my heart, hope
to die, stand on me, guv, my word
is my bond.
In the words of the McDonald’s advert: I’m
lovin’ it! What an unbridled joy it is to seesomeone at last sticking it where it hurts to
self-righteous Remoaners.
It’s the kind of decisive gesture which
Tungsten-tipped Brexiteers like me
have been hoping for ever since
17.4 million of us voted Leave more
than three years ago.
Watch and listen to them squealing
like stuck pigs.
This is the same anti-democratic
rabble who earlier in the week
were planning to set up their own
‘People’s Parliament’ specifically to
thwart the will of the people.
Does that posturing pipsqueak Jean-Claude
Bercow have any idea how absurd he sounds,
whining about a ‘constitutional outrage’ —having bent every rule in the book to stop
Brexit dead?
Of course not.
Oh, and by the way, how does Remain
manage to rustle up a few hundred
demonstrators at five minutes’ notice? Do
they keep them billeted in a warehouse over
the river from Westminster?
It only goes to prove that Remain is largely a
London metropolitan obsession.
We’re not talking the Jarrow March here,
are we?
Still, does any of this mean that Brexit will
happen on October 31, or that Boris won’t sell
us out in exchange for some dodgy deal on
the phoney Irish backstop?
Nope. But enjoy it while it lasts.fRoM Wednesday’s
sun newspaper: ‘A
drug-driver led police on a
13-mile pursuit the wrong
way down a motorway
while 14 times the cocaine
limit.’ Hang on a minute, i
know there’s a drink-drive
limit, but since when have
you been allowed to get
behind the wheel with any
amount of cocaine in your
system? The old Bill have
effectively decriminalised
drugs, without bothering to
wait for a change in the
law. But am i missing
something here?
How did they find out he
was 14 times over the
limit? Did they make him
walk along a white line?
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