(^40) DAILY MIRROR FRIDAY 30.08.2019
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LOVE
FAC T
DEAR COLEEN
Britain’s most straight-talking problem page
[email protected]
I WANT TO LEAVE MISERABLE MISER
Dear Coleen
I fell out of love with my husband
a long time ago. We’ve been
married for 11 years and have two
lovely sons aged 10 and eight.
One has autism, so life is
already quite challenging. Despite
this, I try to make the best of
things. I have a job I enjoy and a
good circle of friends. My
husband on the other hand is
miserable, controlling and uptight.
He flies off the handle if the
house is a mess, he watches the
pennies despite earning a good
salary, and he’ll tell me off if I buy
milk from the wrong place
because it costs too much.
He’s so tight and doesn’t think
we have money for family
holidays, even though I know we
do. I want to leave him but I feel
guilty for breaking up my
children’s family. I also don’t know
where I would stand legally. I only
work part-time and don’t earn
much. I can’t talk to my friends
about this because we live in a
small town and we all know each
other. What can I do? Should I
stay married to a man I don’t love
for the sake of our children?
Coleen says
No, absolutely not in my opinion.
Especially one that isn’t making
you happy. What are your
children getting out of you two
being together? It’s not just
about going on holidays, but
seeing your parents happy.
You work and you have a child
with special needs, so you
deserve to have a lovely, happy
life without some grumpy old
tightwad having a go at you for
buying the wrong milk. He
sounds like he’s controlling with
money which has led you to
believe it’s “his money”, but the
courts will soon make him share
it with you so you don’t need to
worry about how you’ll live.
For now, get all the advice
you need. Speak to a solicitor or
get free advice at citizensadvice.
org.uk.
LOVE MY BOYS
BUT LONG FOR
A DAUGHTER
Dear Coleen
My husband and I have two healthy,
happy boys aged three and four.
They’re lovely but they’re hard work
and do things like jump off sofas
and fight.
Three months ago my best friend
gave birth to a little girl, and while I
know it’s irrational, I just feel jealous.
My husband already has a child
from a previous relationship so he
doesn’t want any more children.
He also reminds me that we could
have a third baby and it might be
another boy. But the thought of
never having a daughter makes me
sad. I know I shouldn’t be feeling
this way, but I just can’t help it.
Coleen says
I can see where you’re coming
from so please don’t feel guilty. I
think lots of mums feel the same
way but don’t admit it.
I have friends with boys and
they always wanted a little girl, and
vice versa. So I do understand. But
I think you need to realise that
little girls have their problems too,
including jumping off sofas and
fighting with their siblings!
Boys do tend to be more
physical and have more energy,
but every child is different. And
lively boys can grow up to be
loving, sweet young men. So don’t
let this get you down, and
remember that your sons are at a
tough age but it will get easier.
Husband is far too pally
with a woman at work
Dear Coleen
My husband has recently started
working with a very attractive
woman. When she first started at
his company, he used to drop her
name into the conversation all the
time, and his face seemed to light
up when he spoke about her.
I used to gently tease him about
it, but he always reassured me they
were just mates and that there was
nothing going on. He explained
that she was married with young
children too.
They work on a lot of projects
together that involve travelling
outside the office, and sometimes
they go for drinks or lunches
together outside the office.
The other day I was feeling a bit
weird about the whole thing so I
looked through his phone and he
texts her all the time, often in the
evening when we’re sitting on the sofa
together. Just friendly things, and
in-jokes, but the sheer number of texts
is huge. They don’t go a day without
messaging each other. He even texts
her at weekends to tell her something
funny or to ask how she’s feeling.
I’ve confronted him and he insists
they’re just friends, and said there isn’t
a single flirty or inappropriate text, but
something about their friendship is
making me uncomfortable. Am I
overreacting?
Coleen says
It’s a funny one, but if this kind of out-
of-work banter and friendship was
happening with a male colleague,
you wouldn’t bat an eyelid. But I get
it. It’s the female friend thing. And I
would say our
female intuition
is strong.
Women
often get
accused of
being paranoid
and insecure about this sort of stuff,
but nine times out of 10 we’re right
when it comes to our suspicions.
So if it’s making you feel insecure,
then he has to stop. That’s not to
say he can’t be friends with her, but
they don’t have to text each other
every single day.
I love my Loose Women
colleagues and we have a great
friendship, but we don’t text each
other every single day. That implies
quite an intense friendship, and it’s
slightly crossing a line.
How would he feel if this was you
texting a male colleague? I don’t think
anything is going on, but I do think
they kind of fancy each other. So this
needs to be nipped in the bud soon.
They text each
other every day...
even weekends
Around half
of teenagers
will never get
married, according
to The Marriage
Foundation.
The think-tank has
found marriage rates
are declining to such
an extent that just
57% of girls and 55%
of boys who are
currently aged 13 to
18 will marry.
Sign up now at mirrordating.co.uk
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TODAY
EMAIL: [email protected]
WRITE TO: Coleen Nolan, The Daily Mirror, One Canada Square, London E14 5AP.
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