(^) The Mail on Sunday September 1 • 2019
I
felt an unexpected surge of emotion
reading Scottish tory leader Ruth David-
son’s moving letter of resignation last
week because it is one I have written many
times in my head – and even sometimes
in draft on my iPad – but have never sent.
the detail that so chimed with me and,
I believe, will do so with millions of working
mothers, was her description of how the prospect
of spending hundreds of hours away from home
on the campaign trail would have once fired her
up, but since the birth last October of her son now
filled her with dread.
It’s clear Ruth had a demanding job that involved
being on call from early morning to late at night,
always available for interviews, always well
briefed, always looking polished. But her moments
of reflection on the time and care she could expend
on her infant son, finn, also made her worry that
the pressure of politics had made her a ‘poor
daughter, sister, partner and friend’.
I feel as if my busy career has made me poorer
at these things, too. I don’t want to stretch the
analogy; I’m only too aware I’m making tV shows
rather than running a political party. But I also
spend hours travelling and filming while juggling
the needs of a family. And sometimes – hence
the unsent letters – it can all feel too much. And I
suspect many working mums with far less support
than I get would wholeheartedly agree.
It’s a pet peeve of mine that many successful
women never share the obvious secret of how it’s
done. How many times have we read interviews
with, say, an actress or businesswoman in which
they casually throw in the fact their son arrives
home from cricket or their daughter from ballet?
Well, who took them there? Who brought them home?
Who washed the kit and made sure they had every-
thing they needed? I’ll tell you who – the hired help.
I’m not ashamed to say I have had a nanny for
the past 13 years to help me look after my four
children. I also have a housekeeper and a PA. It’s
expensive but luckily television presenting is well
paid. even a politician as prominent and successful
as Ruth Davidson couldn’t afford that level of sup-
port on her salary. In a sense, the very fact she is
so capable and successful, and still feels the need
to resign, shows how tough it is for women from all
walks of life to juggle homes and careers.
there are couples who manage to share the child-
caring duties, and there are many brilliant stay-
at-home dads. But the responsibility for holding
everything together and remembering all the little
things that keep families working smoothly – the
birthday presents and cards, the packed lunches,
the clean, ironed clothes – usually falls to the
mums. Of course, most can’t afford to hire staff.
And because house prices mean two incomes are
needed to pay the mortgage, most can’t give up
staff are encouraged to take time
off for school plays or parents’
days. It doesn’t make any of us less
productive. But as much as I love
Phil and as much as we share val-
ues, there’s a crucial difference.
He’s a father, I’m a mother. I have
three staff to help make my life
liveable, he has a wife.
We were filming last winter and
both of us were due to go on family
skiing holidays immediately after-
wards. My head was swimming
with endless lists and schedules.
When I asked if he had packed, he
gave an apologetic grin. He didn’t
know what flight he was on, or even
which airport he was leaving from.
there, in a nutshell, is the differ-
ence between many fathers and
mothers. And it’s high time the
world changed to accommodate it.
When I’ve said this sort of thing
before, I’ve been accused of being
some kind of 1950s throwback. But
nobody can accuse Ruth Davidson
of being anything other than thor-
oughly modern, capable, hard-
headed and logical. And she felt
the heavy demands of her career
detracted from the caring, human
part of her life.
Not that men are entirely to blame
for the problems facing women
(even if most of the men I know
seem to think it’s father Christmas
who fills the children’s stockings).
the fact Ruth Davidson struggled
despite having a female partner is
evidence of that.
W
e ARe often
our own worst
enemies, I feel
- less inclined to
make demands
in the work-
place and more
inclined to do more for less.
Our sex are also more prone to
worry more about the opinions of
our family and friends, or perhaps
that’s just me. Maybe it will change
one day, but I won’t hold my breath.
that’s why we need to look to
countries where allowing time off
work is commonplace – without
losing any productivity. People
should be able to step away from
their desks for all sorts of reasons,
not just to care for their families.
And it may create a precedent
where women taking time off work
to care for their children is seen as
a positive contribution to society,
rather than stigmatised. Perhaps
fewer women would feel they have
to give up their careers for the
sake of their children. And maybe
those who choose family over
career would be congratulated,
rather than belittled or criticised.
After all, when a woman as
capable and dedicated as Ruth
decides it’s impossible to combine
the demands of motherhood with
a high-profile job, it’s a sure sign
something needs to change. for
all our families’ sakes.lKirstie and Phil’s Location,
Location, Location returns on
Wednesday at 8pm on Channel 4.22
Why did brilliant
Ruth have to
choose between
family and her
stellar career?
work. they just have to struggle
through, feeling guilty they can’t
give everything as much attention
as they’d like.
P
eRHAPS it’s because
caring and nurturing
are seen as women’s
roles that they are not
really valued by many
people. Indeed, at most
workplaces, seeking
time off to care for a child or an
aged relative, for a school sports
day or a nativity play, are seen at
best as an unproductive inconven-
ience. At worst, it could risk getting
you the sack.
But these gentle things of the
heart are important. they are part
of what makes us human. they are
to be treasured and encouraged.
that’s why I congratulate Ruth
Davidson for her courage in giving
up a high-profile, high-status job to
spend more time being a mother,
daughter, sister, lover and friend.
Women are too often stigmatised
for caring. And they are too often
forced to choose between pursuing
a fulfilling career and looking after
children or elderly parents.
My fellow presenter and good
friend Phil Spencer and I have tried
to make a difference. We’re part
of a tV production company, Raise
the Roof Productions, in whichThompson
In a plea that will resonate with every
exhausted mum, KIrstIe Allsopp insists
society must find better ways to allow
women to raise children AND go to work
By KIRSTIE
ALLSOPP
TV PRESENTER AND MUMAlexANDrA
shulm AN Is AwAy
STRUGGLE:
Scottish Tory
leader Ruth
Davidson has
announced
she is quitting
her job to
spend more
time with
partner Jen
Wilson and
baby FinnREXV