If someone is cyber self-harming,
it doesn’t necessarily mean they
are harming themselves physically.
However, this can act as a catalyst.
Cyber self-harming can become
a habit, just like physical self-
harming. It may lead to conditions
like depression, low self-esteem,
eating disorders, or suicidal
thoughts.
WHY DO PEOPLE
CYBER SELF-HARM?
To get a better understanding of
why people do this, I spoke with
psychotherapist and Counselling
Directory member, Simon
Mathias. Simon has worked
with teenagers who have cyber
self-harmed and says, in his
experience, there are three main
reasons why they do this: to get
attention, for social compatibility,
and to receive positive remarks.
The attention-seeking reason
may appear controversial. In
the self-harm community, the
misconception that it is attention-
seeking is fiercely refuted. This
is where cyber self-harm differs.
Those who engage in it often want
others to notice.
“They see others being supported
when they report trolling. This
is then endorsed by the
reactions of the media when
celebrities report incidents.
They tend to want to have
attention paid to them by
friends, peers, or teachers,
rather than by parents,”
Simon explains.
Social compatibility is
often the reason when the
cyber self-harm activity
results in being accepted
or liked by others, and
the desire for positive
remarks can go
deeper than simply
wanting attention.
“This is where
the child wants
specific and direct
positive comments,
on aspects such as
their physical appearance,
what they have done etc. It may
be directed to get a response
from parents or family, but most
certainly friends, and usually
to counter the specific trolling
comments.”WHAT CAN PARENTS
DO TO HELP?
The nature of cyber self-harm can
make it difficult to spot. Ensuring
communication between you and
your child is open and honest
can help them feel more able to
come to you for support. Regular
conversations about social media
and negative comments will also
show that this is a topic they can
come to you about.
If you discover that your child is
self-harming in this way, it may
be tempting to ban social media
and take away their devices, but
this is rarely helpful. Instead,
it’s important to talk about
what’s happening, without any
judgement.
“Once a child or teenager has
come for help it’s important to
build a confidential, safe and
trusting relationship. It’s best to
take the time to listen to their story
and allow them to open up.”
Helping your child identify
their strengths, and finding the
words they need to express their
emotions, is key too. It also helps
to focus on the underlying reasons
behind the cyber self-harming,
rather than the behaviour itself.
Finally, Simon says when your
child feels ready, you can suggest
visiting a counsellor.
“Today, most counsellors and
psychotherapists like myself use
a variety of approaches. It isn’t
all about talking. I have games,
outdoor activities, and a dog, that
help my clients work through their
thoughts and emotions.”
Support from friends, parents
and counsellors can be essential in
helping teenagers make sense of
their feelings, and to find healthier
ways to get what they need.Times have
changed, and so has
the mental health
landscape. The
realm of self-harm
has now gone digitalSeptember 2019 • happiful.com • 15