New York Post, Tuesday, August 27, 2019nypost.com26
Shares of ride-hailing app
Lyft got a boost Monday after
analysts predicted the com-
pany could be profitable
sooner than expected.
Lyft shares jumped 4.3 per-
cent after Guggenheim Secu-
rities analysts Jake Fuller and
Ali Faghri said the company
should turn a profit by 2021,
rather than 2023, following
its latest price increase.
The report helped alleviate
some of the qualms investors
have had about Lyft’s sizable
losses.
Lyft shares have fallen
nearly 30 percent since their
public debut in late March.
Investors have worried the
company’s reliance on deep
fare discounts and driver sub-
sidies to compete with Uber
Technologies and other rivals
would keep profitability out
of reach for several years.But the company is now
making an effort to reverse
its fortunes sooner.
Earlier this month, Lyft fi-
nancial chief Brian Roberts
said the company had in-
creased prices on routes in
some cities in June but didn’t
offer further details on where
and by how much.
Although some analysts
and investors have expressed
concerns the price increase
could end up alienating rid-
ers, Guggenheim’s analysts
said they don’t expect de-
mand to suffer.
“We are raising estimates,
putting us significantly
ahead of consensus,”
Guggenheim said in its re-
port. “The main driver is as-
sumed price increases, with
limited impact on demand.”
Uber shares were mostly
flat on Monday. Dow JonesD
ONALD Trump wants to buy
Greenland.
When I heard that last week I
chuckled and thought: “What the
freak is that all about?” Only I didn’t
use the word “freak.” I used the word
that appears in newspapers as F, dot,
dot, dot.
Buy Greenland? That’s nuts!
But while most people are tearing
down the idea, I’ve decided to predict
how it just might work.
The first thing you need to know is
that nobody ever accepts the first of-
fer. Any company that ever got ac-
quired said “no” the first time. It’s in
the Mergers and Acquisition Hand-
book, Chapter One — “Say no to the
first offer, appear annoyed and pre-
pare to negotiate.”
It shouldn’t be any different when
you buy a country. So Trump
shouldn’t be discouraged by the fact
that Greenlanders — or whatever
they call themselves — said “no
thanks” in no uncertain terms to his
bold proposal. And when Denmark,which lords over Greenland, had a
similar response, Trump probably re-
alized that negotiations were right
around the corner.
Trump did the right thing by can-
celing a trip to Denmark. That’s a
great negotiating tactic. Chapter Two
of the Handbook: “The prospective
buyer should appear offended when
snubbed.”
You might not realize this but
Trump dabbled in corporate acquisi-
tions back in the 1980s when “corpo-
rate raiders” were the rage. The only
thing is, he never really went through
with buying any of the companies
that he was rumored to have pur-
chased large stakes in.
He seemed to lose interest once the
targeted company’s stock rose and he
had a profit.
But my point is: Trump knows his
way around corporate purchases, so
why not the acquisition of a country?
It’s just like buying a very big com-
pany with lots of workers and plenty
of assets.
But here’s the thing: What happens
when the Russians decide to “buy”
Cuba? Or the Chinese decide they’d
like to “own” the Dominican Repub-
lic, or some other country that is dan-
gerously close to the US.
And let’s not forget that Jeffrey Ep-
stein’s Caribbean island is up forgrabs. Epstein won’t be hanging
around there anymore, and I don’t
mean to be punny.
Some country hostile to the US
might like to own that perverse place.
I’m thinking North Korea’s Kim
Jong-un could have his sights on that
island, and he probably has the bit-
coin to do the deal.
I probably shouldn’t put that part in
the column because I think Putin
gets The Post delivered to the Krem-
lin, and Kim is probably hacking my
computer as I’m writing. I don’t want
to give them any ideas.
I put the world “buy” and “own” in
parenthesis because no money really
needs to change hands in deals like
these. Countries have the ability to do
what mergers and acquisition special-
ists on Wall Street call “hostile take-
overs.”
And if you didn’t know how that
phrase might apply to taking over a
country just read up on your history
of World War II.
OK, let’s get back to helping Trump
fulfill his Greenland dream.
Sometimes in deals like this you
have to make a bolder move, so you
can ratchet back during renegotia-
tions to a more sensible alternative.
Like what? Trump should make an
offer to acquire Denmark.
And when the Danes stop chokingon their frikadellers (those are meat
balls for those of you without quick
access to Wikipedia), then Trump can
bring up in a counteroffer that he’d
settle for just Greenland.
The Danes might not be so hard-
nosed about handing over Greenland
at that point.
And the US doesn’t really have to
change Greenland much. No, we can
purchase the country through what
Wall Street calls a “sale/lease back”
agreement.
It goes like this: The US purchases
Greenland, but we lease the
country back to the
Greenlanders.
Nobody would have
to move. We’d just put
in a few Starbucks and
McDonald’s and hoist a
few flags so the world
would know the country
was now part of America.
And the Greenlanders can go about
their ice fishing and dog sledding
without interruption.
But would it be wrong of me to say
that I think Trump is being a little too
timid in his plans?
After all, why did he pick Green-
land? There are so many other coun-
tries that might actually want to be
purchased by the US.
For instance, what about Italy?Good food, beautiful land. People talk
with their hands, so there won’t be a
language barrier. And most impor-
tant, it would give the US a strong po-
sition in the European Union.
And since Italy is having a lot of fi-
nancial troubles — something the US
knows a bit about — we can probably
get the country for a steal.
Or, how about Vietnam? We could
have had it in the ’60s, but that hostile
takeover didn’t work out as planned.
And Vietnam has made a comeback
without our help. Owning it would
certainly help Trump get lever-
age over the Chinese. There
would be no trade war if all
US companies moved
their Asian operations to
American-owned Viet-
nam.
And wouldn’t it be the ul-
timate irony if a capitalist
country like the US got to pur-
chase a communist country Vietnam
after failing a hostile takeover. Long
odds on that one.
That would be one for the books
and the bookies.
Maybe a little place in Africa would
suit Trump’s needs.
Ah, so many nice places in the
world to buy! Trump is probably call-
ing his real estate agent right now.
[email protected]By KEITH J. KELLYThe New York Times sent
out an alert Monday warning
that bedbugs were spotted in
its newsroom — triggering
hilarity on social media.
According to an internal
memo obtained by The Post,
the NY Times said it “discov-
ered evidence of bedbugs in a
wellness room on the second
floor, a couch on the third
floor and a booth on the
fourth floor.”
“In an abundance of cau-
tion, the second floor room
has been temporarily closed,
the booth has been blocked
off and the couch has been re-
moved to be treated and pro-
fessionally cleaned,” the
memo said. Exterminators
also swept the area, accord-
ing to the memo.
The wellness room, couch
and booth “were all added to
make the place feel more, oh,
startupy and digital and
youthful back in 2017,” one
source sarcastically noted.“You wouldn’t have had any
of this stuff in the old news-
room of chairs and desks.”
Social media had a field day
spoofing the Gray Lady’s
bedbug woes.
“Bed Bugs Urge Unity Vs
Parasitic Relationships,” reada tweet spoofing the uproar
over the NYT’s Aug. 6 head-
line, “Trump urges unity vs.
racism.” The headline, writ-
ten in response to Trump’s
national address over the
mass shootings in Dayton,
Ohio, and El Paso, Texas, trig-gered a backlash by NYT
staffers and was subse-
quently changed — which
prompted another round of
backlash to the update.
“Gotta NYT this headline
up: ‘In a newsroom under
siege, bedbugs are the latest
predator,’ ” joked Stephen
Stirling, a New Jersey writer,
in an apparent jab at the on-
going headline controversy.
Others used the infestation
to poke fun at the NYT’s rep-
utation for catering to elites.
“i want to hear what joe six
pack in real america thinks of
the bed bugs before i form
any opinions,” tweeted
@GC_Esau.
The Post also reached out
to C. Claiborne Ray, who had
warned in a July 1 column that
bedbugs were becoming re-
sistant to insecticides. But
Ray said he had been writing
from home and had no in-
sights into the bedbug attack.
Besides, he said, the paper
killed his science column a
week ago. [email protected]Insect beat
Evidence of bedbugs— like
this fella— in the newsroom
of The NewYork Times
became social media fodder
for news wags giving the
gears to the Gray Lady.Can’t put it to bed
NYT bugs a social media joke with legs
Stock Lyft-ed
on profit hopes
Greenland a no-go? Why not Italy or Vietnam?
JOHN
CRUDELE
Getty ImagesGreenland, but we lease the certainly help Trump get lever
age over the Chinese. Therecountry like the US got to purGet more
John Crudele at
would know the country timate irony if a capitalistNYPOST. COM
Aramark, the food-services company being targeted by
activist investor Mantle Ridge, climbed 4.1 percent, to
$41.20, on news that its chairman and CEO Eric Foss plans
to retire. Foss has been CEO since 2012. BloombergStreet cheers CEO’s exit