2019-09-02 Bloomberg Businessweek

Ad Adamantium

MarvelComics

Practicallyindestructible,it’sbest

knownasthesteelalloybonded

toWolverine’sskeletonand

claws.Accordingtomarvel.com,

“Wolverine’smutanthealingfactor

allowedhimtosurvivetheprocess

andinduceda

molecularchange

in themetal,

transformingit

intoa whollynew

metal,named

AdamantiumBeta.”

Bo Bolognium

TheSimpsons

In “LisaGetsan‘A’” (1998),

bologniumappearsona

promotionalcopyoftheperiodic

tableprovidedtoSpringfield

ElementarybyOscarMayer.(Mrs.

Krabappel:“Nowwhocantellme

theatomicweightofbolognium?”

MartinPrince:“Ooh,delicious?”

Krabappel:“Correct.I wouldalso

accept‘snacktacular.’”)

Bm Bombastium

WaltDisney

In a 1957comic,UncleScrooge

forksovera chunkofhisfortune

fora piece“thesizeofa large

turnip,”accordingtoonesynopsis.

Nobodyknowswhatit does—

onlythatit mustremainfrozen.

“Terrifiedthathisacquisitionwill

meltbeforehecanmakea profit,”

thereviewcontinues,“Scrooge

dragsDonaldDuckandhisnephews

ona voyagetotheSouthPoleto

safeguardhisinvestment.”

Ct CobaltThoriumG

Dr.Strangelove

Cobaltandthoriumarereal

elements,butcombiningtheminto

oneis a Hollywoodcreation,with

the“G”possiblydistinguishingits

radioactiveisotope.In themovie,

theRussianambassadorsays,“If

youtake,say, 50 H-bombsin the

100-megaton

rangeand

jacketthem

withcobalt

thoriumG,

whenthey

areexploded,

theywill

producea

doomsday

shroud.”

Di Dilithium

StarTrek

Althoughit existsin realityastwo

bondedlithiumatoms,every

Trekkieknowsdilithiumis a rare

crystallinesubstancethathelps

powerwarp-drivepropulsion.

84

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(USPS 080 900) September 2, 2019 (ISSN 0007-7135) S Issue no. 4628 Published weekly, except one week in February, April, June

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You know vibranium from Black Panther, of course. But that’s not the only

element invented for pure entertainment value. We mined the depths

of the internet for this superlegit, 100% scientific analysis of the most

creative, not-at-all natural wonders. And if you want to argue

that some of these are compounds or alloys or whatever, put down

the jerktonium and go weave some mithril.

The Periodic Table of Totally

Awesome Elements

WOLVERINE, DR. STRANGELOVE, STAR TREK AND WONDER WOMAN: EVERETT IMAGES (4). PRICE DATA THROUGHOUT: U.S. GEOLOGICAL SURVEY, BLOOMBERG, U.S. DEPARTMENT OF DEFENSE, UNITED NATIONS, ADVANCED SPECIALTY GASES, AIRGAS, RACE PLACE, JACOBSEN SALT, LOS ALAMOS SCIENCE, UNITED NUCLEAR SCIENTIFIC EQUIPMENT & SUPPLIES, U.S. ENERGY INFORMATION ADMINISTRATION, “COSTS AND MANPOWER FOR THE BERKELEY 88-INCH CYLOTRON,” BY

RICHARD BURLEIGH; MOST RECENT PRICE AVAILABLE AS OF 8/21/19

Mi Mithril

TheLordofthe

Rings

Thelightweight,

silverymetalis

malleableenough

tobemadeinto

jewelryororc-

resistantarmor.

Un Unobtanium

Avatar

Themetallic,silver-graymineral,

foundonthemoonPandora,is a

superconductorworthasmuch

as$40millionperkilogram,

accordingtoAvatarWiki.Butit

predatesthemovieasa jokey

termfora theoreticalsubstance—

withperfectpropertiesforsome

use—thateitherdoesn’texistor

is impossibletomineforpolitical

ortechnologicalreasons.

Up Upsidaisium

RockyandHis

Friends

Theantigravitymetalis nativeto

a floatingmine(bequeathedto

Bullwinklebyanuncle),

andeveryonewants

it:theU.S.

government,as

wellasspiesBoris

andNatasha.

En Energon

Transformers

Accordingtotfwiki.net,energon

is the“preferredfuelofthe

Transformerrace.It takesmany

forms... butit is mostcommonly

usedbyTransformersin itsliquid

state,whichis storedin many

differentmediums,mostfamously

theenergoncube.”

Fi Feminum

WonderWoman

OntheTVshow,herBraceletsof

Submissionwereforgedofthe

metal,whichmade

it intothetitleof

twoepisodesthat

airedin November

1976:“TheFeminum

Mystique,”Parts 1

and2.

Jt Jerktonium

SpongeBob

SquarePants

A greensubstancethatturns

residentsof BikiniBottominto

jerkswheningested.“Infected

victimsdevelopbigblackeyebrows,

blackbagsaroundtheireyes,and

a massof blackstubblearound

theirmouths,”accordingto the

EncyclopediaSpongeBobia.