Brides USA

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DETAILS ULTIMATE GUIDE

HAVE THE BIG-

PICTURE TALKS

Before you make any decisions, you and

your fiancé need to get on the same page.

Here, three convos to consider while

you’re still in postproposal bliss:

The Dream-Wedding Talk

Time to compare wedding fantasies! Set

aside a weekend morning to discuss your

ideal vibe, size, style, and time of year. Go

crazy and don’t censor yourselves. Maybe

you’re dreaming of an intimate wine-

countr y fete in the fall or a summertime

blowout with 400 friends and family on

the beach. Look for common ground, and

if you want different things, dig deeper,

says Elana Katz, a New York City–based

couples’ counselor: “Ask him to tell you

more about why his ideas are so import-

ant to him.” Understanding the meaning

behind them could get you on board—or

at least help you find a compromise.

The Priorities Talk

Now that you have a vision, decide which

details you value most. Is it a band that will

keep your guests dancing all night? A killer

menu to satisfy your foodie friends? An

after-party catered by your favorite taco

truck? Keep these things in mind when

setting a budget and picking a venue.

The Money Talk

You can’t plan a thing until you know

your bottom line, and “your starting

point should be what you and your fiancé

can afford, not how much all of the things

you want will cost,” says Alexa von Tobel,

founder of LearnVest and author of

Financially Fearless. Add up the follow-

ing: how much cash you have and how

much of it you want to spend, what you

can save before the big day, and how

much your parents will contribute. (Go

to brides.com/parentsandmoney for how

to have that tricky conversation.) “Once

you have a number, deduct 20 percent to

account for unexpected extras and gra-

tuities,” von Tobel advises. “Better to

give yourself some wiggle room than to

find yourself in debt down the road.”

DRAW UP A

GUEST LIST

Your head count will impact everything

from the venue to the favors, so figure it

out ASAP. With your fiancé, create a list in

Excel of ever yone who must be there. Sub -

tract that number from the total you envi-

sion for your wedding, then split the

difference between his parents and yours.

Build in a cushion and let them pick

whomever they want, advises etiquette

expert Elaine Swann. If your “must” list

is bigger than your goal, you’ll need to cut

names (see below) or make peace with a

bigger wedding (and find the funds). Note:

If your parents are footing most of the bill,

they may want to invite more guests than

you’d like—and you may have to let them.

GUEST LIST 911

Having trouble

narrowing your head

count? Use this flow

chart to decide who

makes the cut.

Start Is this person

a relative?

No Ye s Aunt, uncle, or

first cousin?

Gotta

do it

So you’re

friends?

No

Coworker? Do you see him or

her at Thanksgiving?

No Ye s

Does your

friendship go

back to the

playground

or the sorority

house?

Do you

hang out

on the

reg?

If you quit,

would you

still hang

out?

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No

No

If you

still talk,

give her

the nod

Forget

it

Are

you

close?

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No

No

Go

for it!

You’r e

too nice;

save the

money

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Would you

still talk if

you moved

away?

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No

No

Add him

or her to

the list!

Are you

crazy?

No!

Would your

wedding be

more fun if

he or she

was there?

Ye s

No

Ye s

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