Woman’s Weekly UK – 27 August 2019

ROSEMARY

A

nybodywhothinksthe
nationis hopelesslydivided
bypoliticsshouldcome
andwatcha meetingofour
localmusicalsociety.We’llshow
youhopelesslydivided.If sopranos
werearmed...Well,it just doesn’t
bearthinkingabout.
Everyyear,at aboutthistime,we
decidewhichmusicalwewillbe
murderingforourannualproduction.
Theproblemis this – there are two
distinctfactions.
The first, and probablythe most
powerfulfaction,wouldideally
performGilbertandSullivan
throughalleternity.
Now,I amveryfondof Gilbertand
Sullivan,buttherearereallyonlyso
manytimesa womancansing‘Weare
hissisters,andhiscousins,andhis
aunts’fromHMSPinafore, without
losingthewillto live.
It is alsoimpossibleforwomenof a
certainageto claimtheyare‘pertasa
schoolgirlwellcanbe’and‘fullto brim
withgirlishglee’withouta certain
amountof softfruit being thrown from
thecheapseats.
Yetif someenthusiastshadtheirway,
G&Swouldberaisedfromthedead
andputto workin somebody’sback
bedroom,churningoutmore light
operettafor our benefit.
Thereis alsoa distinctanti-Gilbert
andSullivanfaction,whichis perhaps
bestrepresentedbyJane, who is an alto
in herearly40s.
‘I tellyou,Rosie,’shesaid,‘if
somebodysuggestsTheGondoliers
again,I willscream.I lovea bitof
GilbertandSullivanasmuchas
anybodybutenoughis enough.They’ll
bewantingto doPrincessIdanext,
andwho’llwantto comeandseethat?
I mean,who’sheardofPrincessIda?’
‘Mmm,’I said,whichbycoincidence
is myresponsewhenpeoplestart
askingmeaboutpolitics.
Anyway, we all gather in the village

hall.Thereareabout 20 of us,andright

fromthestart,youcanseepeople

goingintolittlehuddlesaroundthetea

urn– whichis veryirritatingforthose

of uswhoactuallywanta cupof tea.

MrsMadisonis in chargethisyear,

andsheis notoriouslyinscrutable.The

hardlineG&Speople– theprovisional

wingofTheGondoliers– thinkshe

is oneof them,butI onceheardher

speakingin glowingtermsabout

ThePhantomof theOpera, which

justgoesto showyoucannevertell.

‘Who’dliketo starttheballrolling?’

saysMrsM.‘Anyideas,anybody?’

Thereis silencefora moment,then

Erica,whois Jane’smother,pipesup.

‘I waswonderingif anybodyfancies

doingWestSideStory,’ shesays,and

there’sa sharpintakeof breath.You’d

think she had suggestedOh! Calcutta!

(foryoungerreaders,thismusical

was performedwithoutthe benefitof

clothingbecausetheatreheatingbills

weren’tsoexpensivein the1960s).

‘It’sgotsomebighittunes,’shesaid,

‘andit’ssofullof lifeandenergy.’

TheresponsefromFrank, a tenor,

wasswiftandbrutal.

‘It’sa niceidea,’hesaid,‘butyou

dorealisethatthemaincharacters

areLatinAmericansin theirearly

20s.I justdon’tthinkwe’dbevery

convincing– we’remostlyover-50s

andmembersof theNationalTrust.’

Mentally,wecrossedWestSide

Storyoffthelist,whilewondering

whattheNational Trust had to do

withanything.

Anothersilencefellasthewarring

factionsconsideredtheirnextmove.

‘I thinkit’sourjobto cheerpeople

up,’saida wobblysopranocalledSally.

(I don’tmeanshewobbles– I mean

thathersopranohasknownbetter

days.)‘Everybodyseemsverygloomyat

themoment.WeshoulddoSaladDays.

That’sa verycheerystory,SaladDays.’

Oncemoreforyoungerreaders,

SaladDaysis a musicalthatwasvery

popularin the1950s.I mustadmit,

I hadto lookuptheplot,butit’sabout

a coupleof newlywedscalledJaneand

Timothy,whoaregivena magicpiano

bya passingtramp.Couldhappento

anybody.Thepiano,whenplayed,

giveseverybodynearbyanirresistible

urgeto dance.Peoplehad very strange

ideasin the1950s.

I willspareyoutherestof our

debate,butsomebodydidmentionThe

Gondoliers, andJanewassocrossshe

spilledteaoverhermother.However,

a favouriteis beginningto emerge.

‘HowaboutMammaMia!?’ said

Sally.‘That’sverycheeryaswell.’

‘Nota badthought,’ said a staunch

G&Ssupporter,

‘butit’sSwedish.

Wouldwehave

enough blondes?’

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‘If somebody

suggests The

Gondoliers again,

I will scream’

The

There’s a sour note at the musical society