MY DARLING DAD’S
A NEW MAN
TEXT: ELLEN MACKENZIE. PICTURES: ROBERT TRATHEN. HAIR & MAKE-UP: DARREN MEREDITH. STYLING: LULU WILCOX. LADI6 WEARS LAYPLAN, LINDI KINGI, NOVO, ZARA. VIC WEARS JOHNNY BIGG.
Heexplains,“Mylast
convictionsandchargeswere
allforassaults.Assaulton
Ladi’smum,assaultonthe
guywhotriedtosaveher,
thenassaultingthecopswho
triedtocomeandarrestme.”
Havingbeenraisedbya
violentfather,angerwasall
Vic,64,knew.Butafterone
abusiveoutbursttowardshis
eldestdaughterthatsawhim
hitherwiththeheelofa shoe,
hebegantoseehowbroken
hiskidswereandhowmuch
theyblamedthemselvesfor
hisanger.
“I wenttoa stopviolence
programmein 1992 andfailed
it,”herecalls.“Itwasonlya
20-weekcourse,butI’dbeen
doingthisfor 40 years– it
wasn’tenough.”
Butfather-of-sixVicwas
determinedtochangeforthe
sakeofhiskidsandcontinued
topractiseeverythinghelearnt.
Hetells,“Inone 12 month-
period,I hadsevenfriends
die,oneafteranotherfrom
carcrashes,suicides,sniffing
petrolandoverdoses.I knew
thatif I didn’tchange,thatwaswheremykidswere
heading.”
Fast-forwardto 2019 and
he’sa newmanrunninghis
owncharity,SafeManSafe
Family,wherehededicates
hisdaystohelpingother
domesticviolenceperpetrators
understandtheirangerand
turntheirlivesaround.
Reflectingonhisnewlife,
hesays,“I usedtonotwant
tosharewitheveryonethe
horriblethingsthatI had
done.ButnowI seehow
muchI canhelpothers.All
wedois putthesemeninjail,
butwhathelparetheygoing
togetthere?Theycomeout
anddoit alloveragain.I’ve
beenthroughtheprocessand
canunderstandandhelp
themchange.”
Ladi,whoserealnameis
Karoline,adds,“Welovethis
newguythatwe’vebeen
introducedto.Wehavethis
ideaashumanbeingsthat
onceyou’reputintothisbox,
that’syou– youarenow
reducedtothatfortherest
ofyourlife,butI justdon’t
believethat.“Thereis roomtochange
andweactuallyneedtocreate
thesespacessothatfamilies
canhavea newlife.Mydad
wasviolent,buthe’snolonger
likethat– he’sa loving,caring
manandproofofhowpeople
canchange.”
Butdespitethe“Like
Water”singer’spassion
forherdad’scharity,Ladi
knowsnotmanyKiwishave
heardaboutit,whichis why
shejumpedatthechance
tosupportthecauseasa
contestantonthenewseason
ofCelebrityTreasureIsland.
“I saidI’donlydotheshow
if I couldrepresentmydad’s
charity,”explainsthehip-hop
queen,whowillfighttowin
moneyforSafeManSafe
Familyeachdayonthe
TVNZ2 series.
“I’vewatchedmydad
changeandI’vehadthat
personalexperiencetoknow
thatit works.I alsojust
believeintheworkheis
doing.Theideais thatif
themanis safe,thenthe
wholefamilyis safeandthat
instigatesa newlegacyfora family,sotheyareforever
changedandthereis no more
domesticviolence.I really
feellikeit’ssomething that’s
trulyimportant,especially
inourcountry.”
InNewZealand,one
inthreeKiwiwomenwill
experiencephysicalor sexual
violencefroma partner in
theirlifetime,andalmost
halfofallhomicidesare
committedbya family
member.It’sshocking
statisticslikethesethat
motivatedLaditoshare
herdad’scharity.
Sheconcludes,“Itreally
doesbondfamiliesback
togetheraftera traumatic
orhorrificupbringing. I feel
likethat’sa reallyKiwi story
that’shiddenbehindthese
Instagramablelivesthat we
liketoportray.I know that it’s
realforme,soif it’sreal for
me,a ‘celebrity’,thenit’s real
fora wholelotofpeople.”#Wheretogethelp
Ifyouareexperiencing or
witnessingdomesticviolence,
pleasecontactSafeMan Safe
Familyon 0800 SAFEHELP,
oroneofthefollowing services
forinformation,advice and
support.Ifyouareinimmediate
danger,callthepolice on 111.
Shine– 0508 744 633.Women’s
Refuge– 0800733 843.Prouddaughter:Vicwasnamed
intheQueen’sNewYear’s
Honoursin2019,andwas
awardeda NewZealandOrder
ofMeritforservicestothe
preventionoffamilyviolence.Ladi6’s painful past
Wedding day: The singer
with husband Brent
Park and son Philli.With her dad in
Tanzania in 1996.Woman’s Day 25