andthatit wasterminal,
butwethoughtwehad
18 months.”
Butjustfiveweekslater,
hisfatherGraeme’scancer
hadspreadfromthegall-
bladdertootherpartsofhis
bodyandJamiereceiveda call
tosayheneededtoreturn
homeimmediately.Hisdad
wasdying.
“Itwas 36 hoursafter
theflightthatI gota chance
toseeDad,justashewas
makinghiswaythrough,”
hesaysofthemanhecalled
Pappy.“Atthefuneraland
memorialservice,wehadso
manymomentsofbeautiful,
wonderfulandinappropriate
buta jovialkindoflaughter.
It wasa realtreatinsome
respectstoseehowmyfamily
dealtwithit allandI wanted
totellthatstory,soI guess
that’sthegenesisofwhere
thisallbegan.”
JamieflewbacktotheUK,
buthismentalhealthbegan
tospiraloutofcontrolandhe
returnedtoAotearoa.
“Myhighsandlowsare
prettyextreme,andI always
justthoughtit waspartof
beinga creativeperson,”tells
Jamie.Butthingsonlygot
worseforthecomic.
Heexplains,“Everytime
I thoughtI’dhitrockbottom,
I foundit hadtakenmetoa
basement.Andthenit turns
outthere’sanotherdoorway
inthatbasementandyoucan
goloweragain– andthere’sa
kind of freefall and sense ofpanicandterroratwhatis
happeninginsideyourhead.”
Andinearly2018,it tooka
turnfortheunimaginable.
“Itendedupwitha very
seriousattemptattakingmy
ownlifebecauseI couldn’t
findthewayoutofthepanic,”
recallsJamie.
Findinghimselfinthe
psychiatrywardofAuckland’s
GreenlaneHospital,Jamie
begantogetthesupportheso
desperatelyneededandstarted
a year-longprocessofhealing.
Aswellaslotsoftalking,
it tookthreemonthsof
“experimentalhell”before
therightcombinationand
dosageofmedicationworked.
Buthe’ddoit allagainina
heartbeatforthelevelof
balancehenowfeels.
ThelongjourneyledJamie
tolearntolovehimselfandin
January,whenpalandfellow
comedianRhysDarby,45,
calledhimuptoworkona US
TVpilot,theaward-winning
comedianjumpedatthe
chance.Sincethen,he’s
beentestingouttheclubs,
openingforRhys’shows
andworkingonideasfor
TVpitchesinCalifornia.
For now, though, he’sfocusedon ot o pecial,
whichwasfilmedat
Auckland’scomedyclubThe
Classic,andhastakena lot
oftimeandmoneytogetit
whereit is today.Despitehis
labouroflove,Jamieadmitst
feelingnervousaboutputting
it outtotheworld.
“I realisethatit’sgoingto
bea polarisingpieceofwork
andthere’sa chancethatthe
comedycommunityorthe
widerfansmayquestion
whetherornotit’sactually
comedy,”hesaysvulnerably.
Butwhilehe’suneasy,Jamie
is resoluteintheinnumerabl
benefitsofbeinghonestabout
hisbattles.
“I don’thavetohidemy
moodsfrompeopleany
more,”heenthuses.“I don’t
havetofeelguiltyabout
havinga panicattackor
justnotbeingabletodo
somethingbecauseI’min
a downwardsspiral.I feel
freer,lighterandhealthier.”
Andit’snotjustforhimself- Jamiehasnoticeda shiftin
Kiwis,despiteourappalling
suiciderates.
“I’mseeinga positive
change,”heasserts.“Andwhat
a wonderful thing that we’re
allslightlymoreempathetic
orcompassionateasa society,
understandingthateven
thoughsomeonemightbe
smiling,theycanstillbe
walkingoverthecoalsoftheir
ownpersonalhealth.Sothat’s
a goodthing.
“Justtalktoeveryoneabout
it,”headvisesotherpeople
whoarestruggling.“Ifthey
shyawayfromyou,that’scool
becauseeveryone’sgottheir
thingandmentalhealthcan
bea trickyoneforpeople.But
keeptalkingbecauseyou’ll
besurprisedathownormal
you’ll be helped to feel.” #JAMIE’S HEALING
Tears of a clown
hisbeloved,fun-loving
dad Graeme.TEXT: MARILYNN MCLACHLAN.
“Freer,lighterand
healthier!”Finding
therightmixof
medicationhas
putthesmileback
on Jamie’s face.Jamie’snowgigging
witholdcomedypal
Rhys in the US.JOURNEY
Wheretogethelp
Ifyouorsomeoneyouknow
isstrugglingwithsuicidal
thoughts,calltheSuicide
CrisisHelplineon
0508 TAUTOKO.
Text“help”toLifelineon 4357
orcall 0800543 354.Forother
mentalhealthissues,phone
0800111 757,ortext 4202 to
talktoa trainedcounsellorfor
free. Youthline 0800376 633.Real life
Woman’s Day 33