Healthy living
Health Editor Penny Lewis
ProfessorBruceRobinson
revealsmenthese day sare
more hands-on withtheir
kids andhowit’s pay ing off
BREED OF DAD
The new
I
’vehadtobreakthebad
newstomenwho’ve
gotlungcancer.I’ve
hadtodoit hundreds
oftimes.Sometimes
I havetotellmen,whoare
sittingtherewiththeir
partner,thattheircanceris
incurable– thatthey’veonly
gotsixmonthstolive.
Theirreactionvariesa lot.
Mostblokesarephilosophical
- they’reawaretheyhave
a shadowontheirlung,so
they’re ready for the news.
Othertimes,theycanget
upset.Theymayormay
notcry,althoughtheir
partnerusuallydoes.
If theymentionregrets,
they’renearlyalwaysthe
same.I’vehadsomanymen
tellmetheywishthey’dspent
moretimewiththeirkids,
moretimewiththeirfamilies.
Butwhathappenedwas
theygottoosuckedinto
theirwork.
Atfirst,I wasthinking
about how to help dads,butthenthefocusbecame
moreaboutkids.Because
there’sa greatdealofresearch
thatshowsthere’sa strong
linkbetweengoodfathering
andthereductionofthe
risksthatkidsfacewhenit
comestodrugabuse,alcohol,
mentalhealthandviolence.
Themoreinvolveda father
is inhischildren’slives,the
morelikelytheyaretogrow
uphappyandhealthy.
Wefoundthatthemost
powerfuluntappedforcefor
helpingkidswastoimprove
fathering.SotheFathering
Projectgrewoutofthat.DateswithDad
Westartedalmost 20 years
agoandI thinkthatmen’s
attitudestofatherhoodhave
changedsincethen.Menare
increasinglyawareofjusthow
importantdadsare.
They’reawarethatthey’re
notjusttheicingonthecake;
theyarefundamentaltotheir
children’slives.
TheyoungdadsI work
withnow,theywanttospend
timewiththeirfamilies,much
moresothanbackinthedays
whenI wasa youngdoctor.
Butwhat’sthegoodof
knowingthatyou’reimportant
andthenfeelingguilty?Atthe
FatheringProject,weshare
road-testedideasthatdads
canactuallyusetopositively
engagewiththeirkids.What’s
a goodone?
Startorganising“daddates”- regularoccasionswhen
youspendone-on-onetime
withyourchild.If youhave
threekids,you’llorganise
threedifferentdates.It’sall
aboutmakingtheopportunity
to talk with and listento
yourchildren.
Rightnow,it’sa goodtime
tobea dad.WhenI was
havingchildren,therewere
nofatheringgroups– you’d
justaskyourwife.Nowthere’s
somuchmoreknowledgeand
informationthatcanhelp
youbea betterdad.
Today,I’ma grandparent.
I watchmysonsandseethat
theydoa lotofthethings
withtheirkidsthatI did
withthem.They’recommitted
dadsandthat’spartlybecause
if you’vehadoneyourself,
thenyouintuitivelyknow
whattodo.
Fatheringis somuch
harderif you’vehadnorole
model.That’swhybeinga
gooddadcanaffectnotjust
yourkids,butgenerations
tocome.
I watchmysonsbeing
gooddadswiththeirchildren
and I’m proud of them.Extractfrom
TheFatherHood:Inspiration
fortheNewDadGeneration
byLukeBenedictus,Andrew
McUtchenandJeremy
Macvean.Publishedby
MurdochBooks,RRP$36.99.
Distributed by Allen & Unwin.Makea “dad
date”with
onekidata
time.52 Woman’s Day