cmm
PipHighamaTuner, engineer,riderItwas recentlypointed out to me, whilstquaffing
my usualIPAspritzer,byafriend, thatImustbe
approachinga‘significant milestone’along this
precarious highway,laughingly referredtoas ‘life’.
The very next dayIscored asubstantial document
from HerMaj pointing outall the possible reasons
why Imight no longerretain alicence ofenti tlement
to meander.Iseldom exceed thespeed limit these
days, ever sinceIwas collareddoing 34 knotsalong
anunobstructed lump of Cheshire’s finestwending
itsway through NetherAlderley onadeserted
Sundaymorning.To addinsul ttoa ggravation,Ieven
clocked the toadattempting tohidebehindabush
as Iambled towards him: lessonlearned.My
entrance, onapairofNHS crutches at thevenue of
contrition, was greetedwith hootsof la ughterand
derision from one of my ex-customers, also in
receipt of thatmost unwelcome letter from The
Cheshire Constabulary (55in a50). We knew each
other well enough to dispense with anysocial
niceties and quickly movedon tomock eachother’s
stupidity/misfortune (deleteasappropriate). After a
two-hour fun-festofsanctimonious condescension,
it becameobvious that someoft he civilians
partaking of the same course of amusement might
do th erestofusafavou rbyburningtheirlicences
andthen depositing thecharredand fragmented
remains at SA99 (would youbelieve thattwo people
on my course thought thespeedlimitonamotorway
was 90mph?).Ah,wherewas I? Ah yes, meandering.
I’ve heardseveral horrorstories relatingtot his
ageist ‘DrivingLicenceRenewal Application’ (D46P
if you’re interested)application?Ialready passed my
tests whenpterodactylsroamed the skies and Radio
1was justaglimmer inTony Blackburn’shair dye. I
believe theproblemsstartift he application is
completed ‘online’ on that thing called‘t’Internet’;
our friends at the
DVLA have a
special set of
secateurs with
which they are
known to ‘snip
off’ odd bits of
‘unwanted’
entitlement
categories. Hmm,
surelyif the
‘mistake’is
identified it can
simplybe
re-hashed and
everythinginthe
gardenwillbeTicket to ride....sy.Erm, not
o, incorrect, do
ot pass go and
he only thing
ou’relikely to
ollect is
pointsand a
fine, because
the only time
you’ll realise
the snip has
been
performed
(ouch) is when
Billy theBobby
pulls youupfor driving11 yards (10 metres if we’re
still Europhiles) downabus lane. At that point the
only way to get those categoriesback is to re-take
the relevant tests!
That’sright, quitewhere thi sprocess would start
I’m notsure. If you have ha dthis pleasurablejoltto
the system I’d be intrigued to knowthe outcome. Of
courseforms, and the filling in thereof, have always
been abit of anuisance, well, notalways. We used
to take ourbikes (the ‘we’ meaning just about
everybodyIknew withabike) toCliffBerry in
Farnworth (yup,near to whereIhad my PE nicked
off thebackofmypick-up, grrr...) forthe annual
healthcheck.Overtime the testaltered from a
leisurely bounce up anddownonthe handlebar with
front brakeapplied, andawaggle of the backwheel
to check wheel bearings, spokes, swingarm bushes
all at one go, to more of an eyesight testfor Cliff as
he screwed his eyes up to read theregistration
number throughthe frontwindowathis lovelyshop
(smelled of Gunk andwaxed cotton) on Egerton
Street. Heknew uswell, mainly because we were
neverawayfrom hisplace. He hadobscu re parts for
bikes I’d never even heard of,andawealth of
knowledge and common sense that appear to be in
pretty short supply these days. He wasaclass act, I
even boughtaMini pick-upoff hi mafter I’ dpassed
my test on fourwheels.
We alsohad anotherbike shop, whichknewvery
little ‘abaht cheques ‘n’ papper’.Tommy Turnerran
awonderful bikeshop fromaterraced house at
Hilltopamileortwo up theroad fromwhere Istill
live. Hisattitude wasalittle different to Cliff’s. He
belonge dtot he ‘RAF’ mentality,and th at is in no
way connectedtot he flying variety.I’veseen Tommy
changearod and big-end assembly fromaTiger Cub
in about seven or eight minutes. Reports from
friends confirmedthattheyusually lasted about the
same length of time inservice. Ah, happydays.ro
so
n
th
y
c
p
fi
t
y
tB
Might be limited to
two horse power if
theDVLA get their
way.Achaotic workshop is
ahappy workshop.
Well, that’smyexcuse
anyway.cmm130 / classic motorcyclemechanics