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V9 - FALL maskmatters.org 65
PERFECT ON
THE OUTSIDE //
M
y whole life, I’ve always sensed there was something
amiss. My dad has been an alcoholic for as long as I
could remember, and some of my earliest memories
were of people screaming, things breaking and police
at our home.
As I got older, I started to pick up on things, but never really
understood why things were the way they were. The only thing I knew
was when my dad drank, he became a completely different person.
In 2010, when I was 10 years old, my dad was sentenced to jail
for three DUIs. My mom worked two jobs and with my dad being
incarcerated, she left me in the care of her cousin. In the beginning,
going to my mom’s cousin’s house was a luxury. I was showered with
affection and food. But as time went on, I started getting caught up in
her family’s addiction and co-dependency. My mom’s cousin was an
alcoholic and co-dependent on her two adult sons, who were addicted
to pain pills and cocaine. They were violent and belligerent. Hell
would have been a vacation.
I was afraid to tell my mom because I didn’t want to burden
her, but I started feeling the trauma of what I witnessed. I felt
despondent, broken and desolate.
Over the next three years (my middle school years), my
emotions went up and down. The truth is, no one goes through
such trauma without being damaged in some way. But no one would
have believed I was having a hard time because, on the outside,
everything appeared great. I was a straight-A student and enjoyed my
friends. I seemed like your average teen.
But things were as stable as a Band-Aid. After my cousin got
sentenced to prison, I broke down into a depression, which led to my
own addiction.
In October 2013, I launched a website about addiction and
dysfunctional families. The following month, I released a book called
“A Stolen Childhood,” a fictional story based on my personal life.
I realized from age 10 to 14, I was being stifled with the stress of
my addiction. I missed out on years I could have been having fun just
being a kid. I can’t go back and get those lost years back. I just have to
move forward, live for today, and focus on my recovery.
Everything I’ve been through during those four years of darkness
has pushed me to become a better person. I have goals and desires. I
want to graduate high school, attend community college to become
a paralegal, be independent, continue writing and doing addiction
work, and possibly marry and have a family.
If you’re reading this and can relate, I want you to know there is
hope. You can be free. You just have to give it up to a higher power,
have the strength to surrender and the courage to change. – Bria Riley
THE CHILDREN
HAVE EYES //
T
he first time I learned my dad was an
alcoholic, I didn’t have to be told. Before my
parents divorce, we would travel to the beach
in our camper every year for my mother’s
birthday. This particular year, over 20 family members
and friends joined us. By noon on my mother’s birthday,
the drinking had begun.
My father forgot to pick up her cake from the
nearby grocer, spent no time with her, and sloshed beer
into my hair. That night, he couldn’t make it into our
trailer, partially because he was too drunk to stand,
and partially because my mother locked him out. I was
supposed to have been asleep for hours, but his slurred
begging to be let in and my mother’s sobbing refusal did
not make for a restful sleep.
Most of the values I hold closest to my heart
are because of my parents. But the reason I don’t
have these values isn’t because of what they told
me or showed me through example, but
because of what they didn’t show me.
You may think your kids aren’t
paying attention, but trust me, they are,
and always have been.
I will always remember moments like that,
when I was let down by my parents or when I had
too large a burden to carry. Those moments when I
understood how grim some responsibilities in life are.
I have always been a miniature adult, but only because
of the times when my parents fell apart and weren’t any
good to each other.
But someone had to pick up the pieces.
I’m not saying it’s bad for parents to show weakness,
loosen up and have fun, or share their problems
with their kids. But there is a point when it becomes
unhealthy for their relationship with their child.
It can even have extreme detrimental effects on their
kids. I will never be able to enter into a relationship
without being terrified that the end result will either
be years of an emotionally unfulfilling relationship or
the rug being yanked from under my feet as my partner
unexpectedly leaves me.
So all I can ask, really, is that as a parent, you
recognize that your child is always watching and that
your behavior, for better or worse, becomes the basis for
their understanding of the world. – Anonymous