LOL
Send your favourite funnies to: LOL, Street Machine, Locked Bag 12,
Oakleigh, Vic 3166 or email them to: [email protected].CRIME DOES PAY
A MAFIA Godfather finds out that his
accountant, Guido, has cheated him out
of $10 million. But Guido is deaf, so when
the Godfather goes to confront him about
the missing $10 million, he takes along his
lawyer, who knows sign language.
“Ask him where the money is,” the
Godfather instructs the lawyer. So the
lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido:
“Where’s the money?”
Guido signs back: “I don’t know what
you are talking about.”
“He says he doesn’t know what you
are talking about,” the lawyer tells the
Godfather. So the Godfather pulls out
a pistol, puts it to Guido’s temple and
hisses: “Ask him again!”
The lawyer signs to Guido: “He’ll kill you
if you don’t tell him.”
Terrified, Guido signs back: “Okay,
okay! You win! The money is in a black
briefcase, buried behind the shed at my
cousin Frankie’s house.”
“What did he say?” the Godfather asks
the lawyer.
The lawyer replies: “He says you don’t
have the balls to pull the trigger.”
Steele D Munny, email
GAG OF THE MONTH
The best way to teach your
kids about taxes is by eating
30 per cent of their ice cream
- Bill Murray
THOUGHT OF THE MONTH
unzip, pull the string and go. Since we don’t
touch it, there is no need to wash our hands.”
The man thinks about this and says: “Makes
sense, but how do you get it back in without
touching it?”
The waiter replies: “Well, I don’t know about
the other guys, but I just use the spoon.”
E Fishant, emailPRIORITIES
AN ENGINEER was crossing a road one day,
when a frog called out to him and said: “If you
kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” The
engineer bent over, picked up the frog, and put
it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said: “If you kiss
me, I’ll turn back into a beautiful princess and
stay with you for one week.” But the engineer
just took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it
and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out: “If you kiss me and
turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you
for one week and do anything you want!” Again,
the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and
just put it back into his pocket.
By now the frog was getting a bit ticked off.
“What is the matter with you?” the frog cried.
“I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess and that
I’ll stay with you for one week and do anything
you want. Why won’t you kiss me?”
The engineer replied: “Look, I’m an engineer.
I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking
frog – now that’s cool!”
Ann Fibbian, email
BIG DAY OUT
A MAN sees a lonely penguin wandering the
streets, so he takes it immediately to the nearest
police station to ask for advice.
“Officer, I found this penguin, what should I
do?” he asks.
“What is he doing here?” the police officer
scolds. “Take him to the zoo immediately!”
So the man and the penguin leave.
A couple of hours later, the police officer is> FUNNY FOTO
But how do you swipe right or left?
NNYFOTO
Buthow doyouswiperightorleft?TOILET TRAINING
A MAN is eating soup at a restaurant when he
drops his spoon. The restaurant is particularly
busy, so the man thinks: “Great, by the time
I get another spoon, my soup will be cold.”
Nevertheless, he flags down his waiter and
tells him that he dropped his spoon. The
waiter immediately produces a spoon from his
vest pocket.
“Wow, that was convenient! Thanks!” the man
says. But then he looks around and notices
that all the other waiters have spoons in their
pockets too. “Why do you all have spoons on
hand like that?” he asks the waiter.
“ We l l , w e h a d a n e f f i c i e n c y e x p e r t c o m e i n l a s t
week, and after a study, he deduced that the
most dropped utensil was a spoon,” the waiter
explains. “So the manager insisted we all carry
spoons at all times.”
The man continues to eat his meal, until he
happens to notice a piece of string protruding
from a waiter’s fly. He looks around and sees
that all the other waiters have one too. So he
calls his waiter back over and asks about it.
“Oh, that’s another thing put in place by the
efficiency expert,” the waiter says. “He figured
out that the most wasted time was us washing
our hands after using the bathroom. So now
we all have a piece of string tied around our
penises. When we need to take a leak, we just
looking through the window and sees the man
and the penguin walking down the street. He
immediately runs outside to confront them.
“Didn’t I tell you to take him to the zoo?” the
officer cries. “What are you still doing here?”
“There’s no need to shout, officer!” the man
replies. “I did take him to the zoo just like you
told me. And now we are going to the movies!”
Phun Tiems, emailINTERNATIONAL LOVERS
A FRENCHMAN and an Italian were seated
nex t to an Austr ali an on an over se a s f light. Af ter
a few cocktails, the men began discussing their
home lives.
“Last night I made love to my wife four times,”
the Frenchman bragged, “and this morning she
made me delicious crepes and she told me how
much she adored me.”
“Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times,”
the Italian responded, “and this morning she
made me a wonderful omelette and told me she
could never love another man.”
When the Australian remained silent, the
Frenchman smugly asked: “And how many
times did you make love to your wife last night?”
“Just the once, mate,” the Aussie replied.
“Only once?” the Italian snorted. “And what
did she say to you this morning?”
The Aussie replied: “She said: ‘Please don’t
stop!’”
N Dewrance, email