Page 54 Daily Mail, Wednesday, August 21, 2019
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LETTERS
All the mod cons
plus an old codger
W
e all hate cold
calls. They
happen just as
you are sitting
down to a meal
or washing your hair —
they always catch you at
an inconvenient moment.
I invariably put the phone
down on the caller, but not
before I have uttered a few
choice (unprintable) words to
the invisible speaker.
a few months ago, the phone
rang, but this time the cold
caller struck lucky. He caught
me in a good mood and I
listened to him.
It was the usual patter: could I
answer a few questions for a
survey? It would not take long,
he assured me.
‘OK,’ I said. ‘Go ahead.’ Havinggained my attention, he
launched into the questions.
Did I have a washing machine?
How old? To which I replied
yes, and it was new.
More appliances were listed:
tumble dryer, vacuum cleaner,
TV. To all questions I gave him
the answer: ‘Yes, all new.’
He then came to what was
to be the last question. Had
I a dishwasher?
‘Yes,’ I replied. He was
anticipating the same reply to
all the other questions, but my
response floored him.
‘How old is your dishwasher?’
he asked.
My reply: ‘It is 82 years old and
its name is Roy.’
The poor fellow dissolved into
gales of laughter. I think I
made his day. Husbands can be
useful — sometimes!
Anne Fulcher, Colchester, Essex.Picture that!
Today’s poemOne-line
philosophers
n MOsT of what you hear
on the grapevine comes from
sour grapes.
Mrs Valerie Ashton,
London N14.
n THe plot thickens; I really
must do some work on
my allotment.
Richard Myers, London NW4.In THe summer of 1939, the
grocer told my mother to make
the most of the bananas she
was buying because if war
broke out, it would be a long
time before we would see
any again.
september 3 was a day
I will always remember. I
watched from my window as
my father disappeared down
the street with his kitbag on
his shoulder — he had been
mobilised because he was in
the Territorial army.
We lived only a mile from the
Vickers armstrong aircraftfactory on the banks of the
River Tyne in newcastle, so the
following week saw me, with
my gas mask box round my
neck, evacuated up the river
for safety.
I loved bananas, so Mother
gave me one to take with me.
Upon arrival in my bedroom
with my new family, I put my
banana in my bedside drawer
for safe keeping. several weeks
later, imagine my shock when I
opened the drawer to find it
black and shrivelled up.
You live and you learn!
R. Mitchell, Brenchley, Kent.Wordy Wise
WARMCHAIR — closest to fire.
LOTTOMAN — safe place for
tickets.
WRESTLE TABLE — tight on space.
FROCKING CHAIR — saves using a
wardrobe.
WINING TABLE — for glasses and
bottles.
SCOFFEE TABLE — nibbles and
treats only.
T. John Foster, Stafford.Out of the mouths
of babes
MY GRanDsOn was given a
Buzz lightyear toy for his
fourth birthday. One sunday,
the vicar spoke of infinity in his
sermon. stephen piped up with
‘... and beyond!’
Margaret Ketteringham, Norwich.FAITHFUL FRIEND
A saying that is very true,
And often springs to mind,
Is how one’s dog can
be preferred
To many of mankind.
For dogs don’t carry guns
or knives,
And never lie or cheat,
Their constant love and
faithfulness
Is very hard to beat.
I have a much-loved
canine pet
Who shares my simple life,
We never have an
argument,
Our days are free
from strife.
He wags his tail at all
my friends,
The postman is his mate,
But then he gives me
the alarm
Should strangers touch
my gate.
We’re just back from
a lengthy walk,
A slightly weary pair,
Time now to take a well-
earned break.
No Rover, that’s MY chair.
Sheila Chisnall,
Brixham, Devon.OXO TOWER:
I keep
hearing that
we should
stockpile to
be prepared
for Brexit,
so this
collection of
different
sizes of Oxo
boxes
balanced
on a single
cube should
help anyone
who has any
uncertainty.
Andy Dent,
Hessle,
E. Yorks.Write to: Daily Mail Letters,
2 Derry Street, London W8 5TT
email: [email protected]PETERBOROUGH
email: [email protected]
Make our streets safe
all law-abiding people will have
been filled with horror after PC
andrew Harper was fatally injured
while attending a reported burglary.
This appalling crime follows the
recent attack on PC Gareth Phillips,
who suffered life-changing injuries
when he was knocked down and
driven over as he tried to stop a car
thief, and the sickening machete
assault on PC stuart Outten.
The awful reality of the dangers our
police face in protecting the public is
plain to see.
Just what will it take for the
Government to acknowledge that
the only way to deal with anarchy on
our blood-stained streets is to greatly
increase custodial sentences for
violent crime and re-introduce the
death penalty for murder?
But I fear the Government will not
have the courage to adopt these
measures because of the do-gooders
who seem to be on the side of
criminals rather than the victims.
The shocking statistics for gun and
knife attacks, vicious assaults, rapes
and murders show we need drastic
action to stem these sickening crimes
and restore law and order to our
towns and cities.
astonishingly, Richard atkins QC,
chairman of the Bar Council, says
criminals are ‘going about their
business unchallenged’ and that
‘even if their crimes are detected and
they are caught by the police, the
chances of them being prosecuted or
jailed are slim’.
He added that ‘the state of the
criminal justice system is far worse
than the figures show’.
Why has this been allowed to
happen? The answer is the politically
correct, softly, softly attitude and the
failure to introduce a zero tolerance
policing policy.
If Home secretary Priti Patel is
serious when she says she wants
offenders to ‘literally feel terror’, she
needs an adequate deterrent that
will make our streets safe again.
SUSAN RICHARDSON, Sheffield.Lost loved one
MY HeaRT goes out to the family of
nora Quoirin. How terrified that
poor teenage girl must have been,
lost in the Malaysian jungle.
I saw how distressed my wife Val
was when she was lost. On a short
trip to the netherlands, we got off
the ferry to see the sights. I was buy-
ing an ice cream for us when Val, who
was in the early stages of alzheimer’s
disease, suddenly disappeared.
she would have had no idea how to
get back to the ferry. I searched
anxiously for an hour before I was
lucky to get a glimpse of her.
surely there must be a case for
unfortunate, deeply loved relatives
to be fitted with trackers.
ROBIN BERKS,
Whitley Bay, Tyne & Wear.Passport to shame
ReVOKInG Jihadi Jack’s passport
is the right thing to do. It shows
those who leave this country to fight
for Is must take responsibility for
their actions. They should not expect
leniency when things go wrong and
assume they can return as if nothing
has happened.
Jihadi Jack and others like him
made the decision to fight for a
heinous organisation and commit
unspeakable acts so should not
expect repatriation.
Name and address supplied.
JIHaDI Jack letts’s parents say
justice is not being done because
British citizens have rights. Yes we
do — the right not to be put at risk
by the return of someone who
obviously hates this country.
BARBARA THOMAS,
Billingshurst, W. Sussex.
nOT content with escaping jail for
funding terrorism, the parents of
Jihadi Jack are complaining that the
former Home secretary was
irresponsible in revoking their son’s
British citizenship. They should hangtheir heads in shame and keep quiet.
They’re still able to enjoy freedom in
a country where they raised and
funded a son who fought for an illegal
regime and calls Britain an enemy.
PETER WARRILOW, Lincoln.
THe parents of Jihadi Jack appear
to be suffering from Bse: Blame
someone else.
GLEN MARRIOTT, Northampton.MPs won’t suffer
WIll there be any ‘short-
term supply issues’ to the taxpayer-
subsidised House of Commons bar
and restaurants?
Will there be any issues with the
MPs’ generous health cover and
medicine supplies? no doubt they
will class themselves as an essential
service and so will be looked after.
Politicians will be some of the least
affected by any issues arising out of a
no Deal Brexit, which is their
own creation.
DAVE JOHNS, Brighton.Pension perfidy
IaIn DUnCan sMITH is proposing
raising the state pension age to 75
(Mail). Perhaps he would like to try
my job of working nights filling
shelves in a supermarket.
Dragging heavy cages is hard
manual labour combined with
working unhealthy hours. My life
expectancy is shorter than for those
people sitting at a computer.
It is no wonder people are raiding
their pension pots.
JAYNE JEUNE, Sheffield.
I aM appalled that a government
think tank is proposing we will have
to work until we are 75 before we can
draw our state pensions.
Yes, life expectancy has increased,
but only in privileged parts of the
country. We work hard most of our
lives in order to enjoy a few healthy
years of retirement.
If we can’t retire until the age of 75,
how many will be dead or in care
homes by then? The hard-working
are expected to labour until we drop
in order to balance the books caused
by government incompetence.
IAN HARRINGTON,
Axminster, Devon.Work us to death
InsTeaD of raising the retirement
age to 75, why not make people work
until they die?
Just think of the savings: there
would be no need for a state pension.
If anyone was foolish enough to have
a private pension, it could pay for
their funeral and anything left over
would go to the government.
I worked until I was 65 in a physical,
stressful job. The last few years were
a struggle and there is no way I could
have worked any longer. after 50 years
of working, are we not due some time
to enjoy ourselves?
RICHARD MARTIN,
Hazlemere, Bucks.Lessons of Peterloo
THe irony of the March For Democ-
racy in Manchester to remember the
victims of the Peterloo massacre 200
years ago seems to have been lost on
those attending, especially tradesHAVE you lost a relative or
friend in recent months whose
life you’d like to celebrate? Our
column on Friday’s letters page
tells the stories of ordinary
people who lived extraordinary
lives. Email a 350-word tribute
to: [email protected] or
write to: Extraordinary Lives,
Daily Mail, 2 Derry Street,
London W8 5TT. Please include a
contact phone number.CELEBRATE LIFE
OF A LOVED ONE
Limerick
A cricket club that is now
meat-free
Preferring their food
green and leafy
May go down a treat,
But I doubt it would meet
With the approval of the
great Beefy!
Peter Thomas,
Widnes, Cheshire.Anagram
Waterloo Station, England
=
Get a train, London to Wales
Tony Crafter, Sevenoaks, Kent.Follow-up
This England
TOO many candles on the cake?
seen in the Rochdale Observer:
‘Four firefighters used hose
reels to extinguish the glaze.’
Graham Jones, Milnrow, Lancs.Joke
I asKeD my friend augustus
what he did at the weekends. ‘I
like to take my pig truffle-
hunting in the woods,’ he
replied. ‘Ooh!’ I said. ‘That
sounds like fun, Gus!’
Tony Terribile,
Stowmarket, Suffolk.V2