the dressing room where Freddie was
dressed in his bath robe and doing his
Cassius Clay (Muhammad Ali) impression
with the occasional bagpipe sound thrown
in. The girls stopped in their tracks as
they witnessed this lunatic of a performer
cavorting around in his bathrobe.
Freddie was never happier than when he
had an audience, and it mattered not how
many or where, he would perform. As he
wound up his Cassius Clay sparring session
he danced across the dressing room fl oor to
the entrance and punched the door, his fi st
going straight though and out the other side.
He coolly stepped back, reeled off a Cassius
Clay-style poem, and sat down. Acting as if
nothing out of the ordinary had happened,
he then sat and watched the Girl Pipers
collect their belongings and head for the
Bolton Casino. Certain acts would double
between the two venues, performing in the
fi rst half in one and then driving across to
perform in the second half at the other.
With the Pipers gone, Freddie decided to
examine the damage to the door. After a very
casual inspection he said, “Come on, Vinnie,
I know what we can do.” All of a sudden it
was a ‘we’ situation. Now what was I letting
myself in for? Freddie led me down some
stairs where there were boxes stored at the
bottom. “I noticed these boxes when I came
in. I think they’re Christmas deccies. Let’s
see what they have in them,” he said. One of
the boxes was opened and we pulled back
the fl ap. Inside were artifi cial Christmas
wreathes. Freddie grabbed two of them.crouching. He then grabbed the guitar, laid
it on the fl oor and proceeded to defecate
through the sound hole. I couldn’t believe
my eyes. I stood there, totally gob-smacked.
“Re-tune the guitar, Vinnie, while I put
my kegs on,” he mumbled.” No chance,
Freddie,” said I. “You tune the bloody
thing!” With that, I left the stage with
Freddie clutching the guitar in one hand
and his pants in the other. Five minutes later
Freddie came walking into the dressing
room as if nothing had happened. “The guy
from the duo is tuning the guitar and I’ve
asked the lighting guy to put the stage lights
full up. That’ll make it nice and warm,” he
said, and then continued to get ready for his
show. It was only a matter of minutes into
his performance that suspicious glances
between the musicians and rabbit-style
twitching nostrils indicated that the stage
lights were having the desired effect on the
smouldering stools.
The musical content took on a life of its
own as the band appeared to play faster
in order to get off. Freddie, however, was
his usual unpredictable self and appeared
totally unconcerned for the guitarist who
was undoubtedly suffering the most. They
did fi nish the performance and from what
I could gather it was not the fi rst time
Freddie had pulled this stunt, and I’m sure it
wouldn’t be the last.
Freddie’s love of Elvis came to the fore
a few years later when he starred in ITV’s
An Audience With Freddie Starr. He told me
that he took the gig because he had been
promised by ITV that Elvis’ vocal backing
group The Jordanaires would be on the
show backing him. Freddie declared it to
be the highlight of his career, but what else
could you give an Elvis fan? 9“These will do great,” he chuckled, and with
that we ran back to the dressing room where
he hung one on the outside of the door and
one inside, both covering the offending hole.JUST BEFORE THE second half
started Frank Simcox paid us a visit. I later
found out from Frank that he made a habit
of dropping into the dressing room every
night when Freddie was performing but
not with other artistes. These days it would
be referred to as ‘damage control’. “Nice
decorations, Freddie,” said Frank. “Yeah!
Vinnie found them in a box downstairs and
put them up,” replied Freddie. Frank looked
at me with a wry smile and mumbled,
“Very nice, Vince. Merry Christmas,” and
left the dressing room. With that, Freddie
was like a tornado. He got dressed and was
on stage before you could bat an eyelid, or
give him a bollocking for involving you in
his misdemeanours.
A few nights later when the Girl Pipers
came off stage, Freddie grabbed my arm and
said, “Come on, Vinnie, let’s have a laugh
with my band.” It was the interval and there
was no one on stage. With the Girl Pipers
using the dancefl oor and not the stage it
meant Freddie’s band could be set up and
ready to go for the second half.
As we arrived on stage Freddie asked me
to slacken the strings on a Gibson semi-
acoustic guitar that was on its stand. “What
for?” I asked, as he began to undo the belt
on his trousers. “Pass it here,” said Freddie,
now with his pants around his ankles andFREDDIE THEN GRABBED THE GUITAR, LAID
IT ON THE FLOOR AND PROCEEDED TO
DEFECATE THROUGH THE SOUND HOLEMarty Wilde with Freddie
Starr, sharing the bill in 1974
Freddie Starr died on 9 May
2019 from natural causesA Life in Rock’n’Roll