(again, her words, not ours). But her head
is not down in the slightest.
“Crossing that finish line was the most
satisfactory of my career,” she said. “I have
been on two Olympic teams, won a medal
at the World Championships, but nothing
was more rewarding than that finish line
in Leadville. I have never worked so hard
to complete something in my life.”since the last Olympic Trials, Goucher
has been on a hamster wheel...
It was an incredibly warm February day in
Los Angeles, the hottest in U.S. trials histo-
ry. Amy Cragg won the 2016 U.S. Olympic
Marathon Trials women’s race in 2:28:20.
Des Linden followed 34 seconds behind.
Shalane Flanagan collapsed at the finish
line in third place. And just one minute
behind Flanagan, just one spot outside of
making her third Olympic team, Goucher
finished fourth in 2:30:24.
That race was a tough one to swallow.
Goucher dove straight back into her train-
ing, determined to show the fitness she
knew was there. But before long, she found
herself in an unavailing grind that went
something like this: Start building up to
decent mileage. Start pushing to run the
paces she ran back in 2015–2016. Get injured.
Rest. Heal up. Repeat.
“I was in this space of trying to prove the
impossible,” she said. “I just wanted so badly
to have one last taste, because I knew had
the Olympic Trials gone a hair differently,
I would have gotten it.”
“I was so obsessed that it was actually
holding me back,” Goucher continued.
“I wasn’t running because I wanted to
run, I was running because I wanted this
goal that I thought was going to bring me
closure on my career.”The frustrating cycle continued until
last fall, when she took a big, hard step
back and acknowledged the thing no one
seemed to want to talk about. “People don’t
like it when I say it, but, I’m older. I’m 41,”
she said. “People are always like, ‘No, age
is nothing but a number!’ and to a certain
extent that’s true, but there’s also science
and physiology behind it—your body slows
down.” Goucher was ready to stop racing
the runner she used to be. She was ready
to look forward.
“It’s no coincidence that I then stayed
healthy for a full marathon buildup,” Gouch-
er said. For the first time in years, she started
to enjoy running again. She set her sights
on the 2019 Houston Marathon in January.
She was excited and revived; still, it wasn't
easy. “There were times it was so humbling,”
she said. “I’d be doing mile repeats at like
5:40 when before the trials I would be doing
them in 5:15. So there were periods where
it was hard to look in the mirror and think,
I’m not who I used to be.”
When an old hamstring injury came out
of nowhere during the marathon in January
and forced her to drop out of the race, it
was as if her past was haunting her all over
again. “My coaches wanted me to sleep on
it before making a decision,” Goucher said.
“They wanted me to get out there and run
a 2:35. But I was tired of comparing myself
to the past.” She needed something that
would test her in a totally different way.
Which brought her to Leadville.GOUCHER MAY NEVER BE
THE RUNNER SHE ONCE WAS...
“I’m never going to put on a USA kit again.
I’m never going to make another team. I’m
finally accepting that,” Goucher said. “But I
still really like to prepare for something.I get so much out of a training block. It
brings so much to my life. So now I'm at
this crossroads: Do I give up something
I love so much because I'm never going
to be who people remember me as? Or
do I say it doesn't matter; I love this, I'm
still able to do it, and maybe some people
will be disappointed but this is my life.
Obviously I chose the latter.”
This isn't a redemption story. This isn’t
about Goucher trying to stake her claim
on the trails because she thinks it’s easier
or can win more races. This is a story
about presence; it's about being able to
hold space for the person you were, the
person you are, and the person you could
become.
"I love the process so much, and I do
think if you don’t enjoy the process you’re
missing out," Goucher said. Sure, she
learned something about herself at Lead-
ville, but it was what she learned in the
buildup—in those quiet moments on the
trail, in falling and scraping her knees, in
trying something completely new—that
drive her. "I learned I was braver than I
thought," she said. "I can do tough things.
I can do things I'm scared of. All these
little things I've told myself—I want to
face those things."
Leadville was the first test, but it won't
be the last. “I mean, yeah, I would rather
be Shalane, running [and winning] New
York at 36, but that’s not my story,” Goucher
says. “My body has been hit a little harder
from my career, so I either embrace what
I have or I don’t do what I love, right?”
Without a flinch of hesitation, she an-
swers unequivocally: “I’d rather be dinged-
up Kara with the bad knee who’s a little
bit older but who’s still getting out there—
than be Kara who’s too afraid to try.”56 WOMEN’S RUNNING SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2019
I’d rather
be dinged-up Kara with
the bad knee who’s
a little bit older but who’s still getting out
there—than be Kara who’s too afraid to try.”
“