Elle Australia - September 2019

I’VEONLYEVERKNOWNtwostatesoffinancialbeing:just

paidandflatbroke.I’velonglivedbeyondmymeans– primarily

because I’ve neverbeen entirelysure whatmy meansare.

Iconfesstoactinglikea drama-chasingteenagerwhenit comes

tomoney–thefirstflushofhavingit,anyway.I coulddowithout

theinevitableheartbreakofanoverdraft.ButasI’vewatchedmy

friendsmakerite-of-passagepurchases(homes,cars,MaxMara

coats),attheageof 40 I’vehadtofacethefactthatmyadolescent

relationshipwithmoneyhashadgrown-upconsequences.

After nearly two decades ofhustling, I’vegot nothingto

showformywork.Nosavings,nohouse,noapartment,noassets

thatwill accruein value.Nothingbut$4,000ofcredit-card

debtanda statementbagI boughtyearsagothatI’mstillpaying

off.Intoughtimes,Iimaginea sterneconomistshakinga Mason

jarofcoinsatmeandshouting,“Youdidthisallyourself!”

Ofcourse,they’dberight.Butfingerwaggingis nevergoing

to work for me in the long term because shame doesn’t motivate

me;it paralysesme.It alsosendsmebackintothearmsofmyold

frienddenial,whichonlyperpetuatesthecycleofregret,anxiety

andwilfulblindness.Indesperatetimes,I’vetriedboot-camp-

styleapproachestobudgetingandfoundthemassuccessfulas

extremediets–whichistosay,notatall.AndI’mnotalone.

FinancialplannerShannonLeeSimmonshearsthebudgeting-

dietcomparisonallthetime.Traditionalbudgetingoftentakesan

aggressiveapproachtocuttingthefatfromspending,onethat

makesadherencetricky–weimmediatelywantwhatwecan’t

have.“It’slikebeingonalettucedietandthenyouseeapizza

andbinge,”shesays.I don’twanttohavea punitiverelationship

withmoneyfollowedbyanexcessive,irresponsibleone.I want

a positive, balanced relationship with my income, one that

satisfiesmewithoutfillingmewithguiltorshame.

Tomovefromrestrictionorexcesstobalance,youfirsthave

tocut yourselfsomeslack,saysSimmons.Inherbook,Living

Debt-Free: The No-Shame, No-Blame Guide To Getting Rid Of

88

ADULT

BEGINNERS

SEEKING:

A GROWN-UP

REL ATIONSHIP

WITH

MONEY

BYFLANNERY DEAN

PHOTOGRAPHYBY

ASGER MORTENSEN