what a spunk
HOW DO YOU CHOOSE A SPERM DONOR,
WONDERS MINNIE PASQUE.
On one of our romantic first dates, my girlfriend and I tookatripto
Bunnings (yes, she bought me a sausage, with onions – that’sjustthe
kind of girl she is), followed by a leisurely spot of mattressshopping.
Flopping ourselves down on one bed after another, we embarked
on one of those rituals that has cemented relationships sincetime
immemorial: the joint purchase of Important Adult Things.
Fast forward through four years of laughter, grief, majorsurgery,
culinary disasters, new jobs, tear-streaked jubilation on‘YES’vote
day, and countless failed attempts to film our cat Sharondoing
funny things... and here we are, surrounded by notes in thatwinning
bed, peering at 40 profiles on a computer screen.
We’re buying a sperm donor. Well, not the whole fellow, although
god knows we could do with some help around the house.No.
Just his jizz, which we will purchase through our local IVFclinic
by the vial. (When the IVF nurse explained this to us, I gleefully
imagined that ‘a vile of sperm’ was a collective noun coinedby
a sassy lesbian doctor with an excellent sense of humour.)
These donor profiles contain very helpful intergenerationalhealth
information. Imagine being on Tinder, looking for a partnerto
ultimately make babies with, but instead of reading abouttheirhobbiesandlifegoals,yougettoknowthequalityoftheirsperm
andwhetherthere’sahistoryofbowelcancerinthefamily.Also,
inthisscenario,there’szeroriskofrejection.Everyonehasalready
saidyestoyou.Youcandancearoundinnothingbutyourbaggyold
undiesandthey’llstillbethere,solidandcommitted.(They’renot
evengettingpaidfortheirdedication,becauseit’sillegalinAustralia
tomakemoneybydonatingbodilybits.)
Allofthisaltruisticgoodnessdoes,ofcourse,maketheselection
processdaunting.We’reopentoanyethnicity,job,educationlevel
andskincolour,sonobodywillberuledoutonthosefronts.And
seeingasthescientistsalreadyscreenedoutanyonewithremotely
diceyhealthissues,nobodycanbeculledforthatreason,either.The
traitsthatremainforustojudgeseemkindofsuperficial,andtrying
toweighupandcompareonehumanwithanotherholdsamirrorto
ourownvanities,insecuritiesandpettygripes.
Doesitmatter,forinstance,thatBabyDaddyisshort,orstocky,
ordoesn’tuseanapostrophewellinhiswrittenresponses?Does
itmatterthathelikesplayingvideogamesanddoesn’tmention
exerciseinhishobbies?Dowewhittledownthecontendersby
listingallthetalentsIdon’tpossess,andprioritisingsomeone
whodoes?Inthatcase,oursearchwouldcloseinontallmenwho
aregoodatmathsandhaveadecentsenseofdirection.Butthis
approachmakesusfeelicky,soweletitgo.
Therearereallyonlyafewcriteriawecareabout:firstly,thatthe
donorticked‘yes’tobeingcontactedoneday.Wewanttoleave
thatdooropen.Fromthere,weporeoverthesectionwherethey
writealettertotheiroffspring.There’ssomethingsorevealing
aboutthevulnerableactofprojectingintotheetheryourhopes,
valuesandwishesforalittlepersonyoumaynevermeet,but
who–biologically,atleast–ispartofyou.
Ultimately,wetrustourgutsandfollowourinstincts.Thetruthis,
wemightendupwithnobabyatall.Thatcouldbeanotherstory
tolive.Orwemightendupwithashort,maths-challengedlittle
personwithnosenseofdirectionwhatsoever.Andthatwouldbe
prettydamnfinebyus.PhotoCourtney Jacksonsomething to say