rosaleen, melbourne, australia
& yusuke, imabari, japan
ROSALEEN // I met Yusuke on the classic dating app, Tinder, when
he was living in Australia. I told my friend Akira about him and
she said, “That’s my friend – you have to go on a date with him.
He’s amazing!” I got too nervous to go to our initial date, but we
fi nally ended up meeting at a pub and somehow six hours fl ew by.
It was probably the best date I’ve ever been on. I didn’t have many
expectations because he’d told me he’d be leaving for Japan a
month later. But we had this instant connection, so we made a lot
of time for each other before he went back. I thought he’d be busy
tying up loose ends, but he prioritised me from the get-go and
keeps doing so to this day.
I think it was a happy accident that we started a long-distance
relationship. We kind of blame each other. Yusuke says I kept
messaging him when he was back home, but from my point of
view, he kept responding, so I thought, “Maybe I’ll just go for it.”
Last year, I fl ew to Japan to see if it was legit. Within three or
four days, we decided we wanted to be together and get married.
It just seemed like a really natural thing to do as international
lovers. I don’t think things moved too quickly. In fact, I feel like
we had more time to work out who we are individually. Previous
relationships I've been in have been long-lasting because of
convenience or habit, but there was nothing convenient about this.
There are pros to doing long distance – like how I can focus on my
own projects and prioritise hanging out with my friends. I’d add,
though, that the emotional commitment is also physically tiring.
There are times when I’m so upset about not being with him, or
exhausted from planning visa things. The emotional space it can
take up in your life is unaccounted for. Video chat has made life
a lot easier. I often forget that English isn't Yusuke’s fi rst language,
and that’s made for some misunderstandings in text messages.
But then we do a video call and it’s always solved.
Soon we’ll be together and be able to face any challenges head-on.
It was our one-year anniversary in May, and the plan is to get
married in Japan, then fi gure out how to get him back to Australia.
YUSUKE // I’m from Imabari in the Ehime Prefecture, which is on
the island of Shikoku. I’d been in Australia for six years already
when I met Ro, and I’d never done a long-distance relationship
before. It’s been quite an experience. When we fi rst met, we talked
for hours, and most of the time I kept talking and she just listened.
That made me happy. Of course, doing long distance since then has
been really hard. Before I met Ro, I’d never used video chat before.
I wasn’t used to talking through the phone or even looking at a video,
so the fi rst 10 times we chatted on FaceTime, I kept accidentally
showing her my ear instead of my face.
When I was in Japan, I could tell Ro really cared about me. She
always wanted to talk and was putting in effort to keep us together.
That’s when I was like, “OK, I think she’s the one. I really want her
in my life.” One of the hardest aspects of being apart has been the
language barrier. I speak Japanese, she speaks English, and we both
speak English when we talk to each other. But of course, there are
misunderstandings. I’ve said things she’s misinterpreted, and we also
have different cultural perspectives. We’ve had our arguments. I think
the challenge was convincing her of how I felt by only talking. If we
were together in person, I could smile and she’d be happy.
I think it’s always better to be with your loved ones. The only good
thing about doing long distance is that I have my own time. It's also
made me a much more organised person, because we have to plan
when we can talk. I can’t imagine what it would be like if we could
only communicate via email or letters. That would be so hard. We
actually have a long-distance app where you can upload anniversaries
and what you're doing throughout the week, so the other person
knows. It shows things like the weather where the person is so you
can get a glimpse into their life. That’s one of our favourite things.
I’ve always been the black sheep in my family. My parents kind of just
say, “Do whatever you choose,” but as a Japanese person, it’s not
really normal to marry a non-Japanese person. They’re happy for
our marriage, though. Ro has given me so much love – I just want to
respond and give that back.