SHARON // I currently live with my two kids in Sydney’s east,
and my husband Matt is about fi ve hours away in Dubbo. He’s
been there since mid-last year. Matt changed careers very late
in life – he had his own business for two decades but knew he
was meant for other things. So, he started studying to become
a lawyer when my youngest was six months old, and it’s been
a long journey since.
When he got offered a stint in Dubbo, we were obviously really
sad to be separated. On the other hand, we saw it as part of the
journey. We’d already been living parallel lives with him running
his business, then studying law at night and on the weekends.
We told the kids and promised Dad would be home every couple
of weeks or so, or we could go visit. We also told them if Dubbo
seemed OK, we could move the family up there for a little while.
But I never actually meant it! Eventually my eldest said, “We’re
going to go hang with Dad, right?” I could tell he really needed it,
so we made it happen. We went for a school term, the plan being
to come back to Sydney when Matt’s contract ended on the last
day of school. But then his contract was extended.
I thought I was a city chick, and it freaked me out to go to Dubbo,
but it was actually really lovely. We created all these new family
rituals together and I could see how much happier we were out
there. If Matt was working late in Dubbo, he’d be home in fi ve
minutes – in Sydney, it’d take him an hour and a half. He was
recently offered a place at a different fi rm in Dubbo, so we’ve
made the decision to all go there next year.
Since we started this, I’ve had a whole new appreciation for
single parents. I also feel so grateful that I have someone I can
call every day if I want to. It’s been good to get the boys to step
up around the house, too. We’re a team. The old saying that
absence makes the heart grow fonder is true in a lot of respects.
Matt and I have the space to have different perspectives on each
other – as individuals, as a couple, and as parents. I think there’s
a renewed appreciation for one another.
MATT // There was an initial feeling of dread when I took the
opportunity to advance my career. Of course, I wanted to progress,
but when I visualised myself being in Dubbo without my family,
I shuddered. There were a lot of things to consider. We were already
paying a mortgage in Sydney, then to come here and continue
paying rent, leaving my kids and my wife on her own as a single
mother – that’s tough.
When I came out here, I was required to learn things on the job
really quickly. It was quite stressful, so in that sense, it was good
to be by myself. I could come home and just focus on learning,
rather than family. What I realised is when I’m with my family, we
don’t have to think about things to do. There are always activities
going on, and we’re always mixing with other people who have
kids. Once the weekends hit in Dubbo, I was like, “Wow, what do
I do to keep myself active?” A lot of the time I was just forcing
myself to do things. I feel better about it now. I realised I wasn’t
appreciating the moment. I practise meditation now and it makes
a huge difference. I was focusing too much on the stress, but
Sharon’s the one who’s been doing all the running around.
I have to say, I’ve been doing a lot more cooking now I’m up
here, and I love it. It’s easy to fall back into roles when living with
Sharon, but being here has made me grow. I’ve taken on more
responsibility, and that’s a good thing. It’s a fi ve-and-a-half-hour
drive from Dubbo to Sydney, so I drive down about once a month.
Other than that, I FaceTime Sharon and the kids every night. It’s
funny, because the kids will do drawings and other creative things,
then they’ll pretend they’re fi lming a YouTube video and explain it
to me in that way. When they all came up here to live for a term,
I realised how much easier it was to have them around. When they
left, there was a real sense of emptiness.
It helps that we now have a plan to be together again. Ultimately,
we’ve been able to handle it. I came out here because I had to, and
now I've done it, I think it's fantastic. It’s given us time to refl ect,
appreciate and value our roles in the relationship and the family.sharon, sydney, nsw
& matt, dubbo, nsw