KIRA // Sam and I live together, which is nice, but I’m pretty much
away every weekend right now. He’s away every second or third
weekend, but earlier this year, he also spent about seven weeks in
Europe. He knew I was a performer when we fi rst met, and he told
me he was on our fi rst date, too. So I knew we were going to have to
juggle that in our relationship. We're always really excited to see each
other, and keeping that energy is really important to both of us. Plus,
he and I both respect people who have drive, ambition and passion,
so we’re willing to be as fl exible as possible to help the other do what
they need to do in order to be successful.
I've had relationships in the past suffer because me pursuing music
meant I was always away. It’s really nice to be with someone in
the same fi eld – I didn’t have to explain it to Sam. When we’re on
tour, we text and Instagram stalk each other a lot, then make calls
whenever we can manage. It can be hard to see your partner having
fun times on the road and getting all this attention, so you have to
stay on top of paranoia and jealousy. But being open and honest
about what’s going on with you does make your relationship stronger.
And when you’re not in someone’s presence, it gives you time to think
about all the things you miss about them and reaffi rms the choice
you’ve made to be together. On the other hand, I think when you
spend too much time together it can magnify quirks about the other
person that annoy you. You can get nit-picky and focus on stuff that
doesn't matter in the scheme of things. It’s nice to zoom out and
have some perspective on your relationship.
Being in the music industry means you’re always tired from travelling
and coming up against people with big egos. You’re often drained,
so there’s something really beautiful about coming back home to
the person who knows you and gets you. When we’re together, we
love going on dates. We’re one of those disgusting couples who are
all over each other. I wish we were super-rich so we could just fl y
around the world with each other for the rest of our lives.
SAM // I was helping run a bar about two years ago and one of
the staff needed to take a Friday afternoon shift off – the busiest
time of the week. When he told me what it was for, my eyebrows
shot up pretty high. Turns out he was working on a video shoot for
Kira, so I said he could take the time off if he asked her to go on a
date with me. I was a big fan of her work and had seen her around
over the years, but our paths had never properly crossed. Luckily,
she agreed to the date and we hit it off.
I’ve done long distance in the past, but not very successfully.
It can be especially frustrating if the other person doesn’t have
a passion, hobby or interest to keep them busy. If they’re putting
all their emotional energy into you, they’re going to feel lost when
you’re not around. Kira and I are cut from the same cloth as touring
creatives, so that’s something that’s made life easier and much
more enjoyable. When I’m overseas, I try to make the effort to
check in with Kira, fi nd out about her day and tell her about mine.
I’m a bit awkward on the phone, so we message each other a lot.
I think it’s important to be sure of what you said and how it lands,
because you don’t want to be leaving your partner on a bum note
if you’re not going to have reception for the next couple of days.
Misunderstandings can happen, of course. I sometimes come
across quite blunt and off-the-cuff in text messages, when
I’m just trying to get it out as quickly as possible. Kira’s much
more in tune with being empathetic and able to read people.
It’s not the same for everyone, but I think you need to be happy
in your own skin to do long distance. You need to know yourself,
and what keeps you excited to get up each day. You become a
more interesting person, more stable, and better able to be in
a relationship with someone that way. There’s only one way to
see if it’s for you, and that’s to try it. Take the risk on someone
if you feel like you’ve got a connection. Then, when you’re in it,
tell the person what you’re feeling.kira & sam, both touring musicians