APRIL 2019 | CARMAGAZINE.CO.UK 95wonder if this is what astronauts feel like on take-off. I’ve
just experimentally pushed the B5’s throttle pedal in the
direction of the carpet and it feels like the car’s suddenly been
upended. My back is pressed into the plush leather seat and the
world ahead goes all blurry. Goodness me, this is quick.
Subjectively, the Alpina feels even faster than the other two
cars here, perhaps because of the complete contrast in the before and the
after. Just a moment ago we were loping along in serene, refined comfort;
now it feels like we’re midway through a land-speed-record attempt. Back
off and you’ve returned to a relaxed cruise. The contrast is extraordinary.
But then, the B5 is an extraordinary car. The tiny Bavarian company’s
reimagining of the BMW 5-series has performance comparable to BMW’s
own M5, but they’re very different cars in character. On these undulating
roads it’s clear the B5 has been tuned for comfort over agility. Although it
rides low on shorter, stiffer springs than the regular 5-series, ride quality
is uncannily smooth. Lumps, divots and potholes disappear beneath the
chassis without a ripple. Alpina has developed its own settings for the
B5’s electronic adaptive dampers, and even in their firmest Sport+ setting
they’re far from jarring. (It’s entirely in keeping with the spirit of the B5
that Alpina has developed an extra-squishy Comfort+ setting within the
drive modes.) As a result, the B5 doesn’t have an M5’s instant responses
and keenness to change direction, but it’s certainly not clumsy. It seems
almost impossible to shake the B5’s composure. Even going light over the
Peak District’s countless off-camber crests, it never loses its poise. Active
anti-roll control helps keep its weighty body in check, and unlike the M5
the B5 also features rear-wheel steering to increase high-speed stability
and low-speed nimbleness. So thorough is Alpina’s overhaul it has even
changed the lower front wishbones for its own design, to allow a little
extra negative camber. The reserves of grip are so enormous that you
rarely trouble its limits in normal driving.
Alpina reckons on zero to 125mph in 11.4 seconds, and if you can
find enough space it’ll keep going all the way to 206mph. Both of those
statistics feel entirely believable, and somehow absurd in an executivesaloon car with massage seats and a heated steering wheel.
All that grip comes from bespoke Pirelli P-Zeroes, complete with
Alpina-specific ALP markings on their side walls (another indicator
of the engineering substance at play here) and wrapped around a set of
20-inch wheels in Alpina’s classic multi-spoked design. Together with
the deep air dam at the front, they lend the B5 something of an ’80s vibe,
as do the pinstripe decals along its flanks. (They’re fitted as standard, but
can be removed at no cost.)
Inside, it’s the least adventurous in style of the three cars, based as it
is on a conventional saloon, but it’s also the most relaxing and, arguably,
the classiest. Alpina’s own skin for the digital instrument cluster tints
the dials in its trademark shade of blue – nice touch – and their design
changes according to drive mode. The driving position is superior to the
AMG’s, and the seats are quite epically comfortable, finished in a soft,
expensive-feeling grade of leather, with headrests like king-sized pillows.
Alpina swaps the steering wheel for a thinner-rimmed item than the
obese wheel in the M5, although it’s still the chunkiest tiller in the test.
Power delivery from the B5’s 4.4-litre twin-turbo V8 is as smooth as
the suspension. Among the many upgrades, Alpina’s fitted its own choice
of twin-scroll turbos, lavished plenty of attention on the cooling system
and uprated the pistons and plugs. The result is 600bhp and 590lb ft (the
standard M5 is 591bhp and 553lb ft), and thus the B5 is all-wheel drive by
necessity. It’s a variable torque split, however, and for the vast majority of
the time it’s very much rear-biased. It’s reassuring to know the traction’s
there when you need it but, like the M5, it doesn’t spoil the car’s character
(although unlike the M5, you can’t switch it to rear-drive mode).
It’s hard to imagine a better autobahn car: enormously comfortable,
top-fuel-dragster fast, and entirely unruffled at a cruise. Apart, in this
car, from a curious whistling noise at certain revs, like there’s a gap in
its front teeth. Reassuringly, however, since Alpina’s relationship with
BMW is so established, it is eligible for the same three-year extendable
warranty as any regular BMW model. Likewise, the B5 can be serviced at
any authorised dealer, workshop quirks limited to items such as air and
oil filters and Alpina-specific brake pads.
An M5 might be quicker on a circuit, and the AMG is a rawer, more
thrilling driving experience, but the B5’s grown-up feel, long-distance
comfort and rarity value lend it an esoteric appeal all of its own. ⊲Giant test: AMG GT 4 Door
It’s hard to imagine a better
autobahn car: enormously
comfortable, dragster fast
ALPINA B5
Ride by Jekyll,
engine by Hyde
The more
we try other
systems, the
more we like
BMW’s iDrive▼
PRE-FLIGHT BRIEFING ALPINA B5I
Why is it here?
One of the finest
four-doors on the
planet, the B5 is a
yardstick for comfort
and for pace. Why
the B5, not the BMW
M5? The AMG E63 is
a more natural rival
to the M car than the
GT 4 Door, and the
Alpina’s different
ethos feels more of a
match on the road; it’s
more grown-up, more
of a gran turismo in
character than the
M5. And if any car
can keep up with it,
they’re going well.Any clever stuff?
Trick chassis (above)
boasts all-wheel
steering, variable
all-wheel drive, active
anti-roll control,
adaptive dampers
with Alpina’s own
Comfort+ mode,
and bespoke lower
wishbones.
Which version is this?
The saloon, but there’salso a Touring, a
strong contender for
World’s Best Estate
Car; BMW doesn’t
make an M5 Touring.
Diesel-fuelled sibling
is the D5 S, with a
3.0-litre straight-six.
Almost all B5s built
to order; Alpina sells
around 70 cars in the
UK each year (1700-
1800 worldwide), so
rarity value is part of
its appeal.