something you need, rather than
a mere ‘want,’ you help make
self-compassion a habit.”Yes, you are enough
We tend to believe that we’re
different—everyone else has
it together while we, and we
alone, struggle. This mind-set
leads to “eternalizing,” that is,
telling ourselves, “I’ll never suc-
ceed.” To avoid this trap, remind
yourself you’re human, urges
Seppälä. “This takes you out of
‘me’ thinking and gives you a
wider perspective. It’s like you’re
running a marathon and trip in
the first mile: Your critic says,
‘You’re such a loser’ while self-
compassion says, ‘Everybody
falls!’ and encourages you to
keep going. Listening to this
voice boosts resilience and
inspires us to tr y again.”because if we believe everything,
we can get scammed. Similarly,
with the emotionally based
stories we tell ourselves, we can
get ‘scammed’ into believing
lies unless we separate fact from
fiction.” If you tripped over your
words in a meeting and are sure
co-workers are talking about
you, ask yourself what really
happened. The story is people
judged you, but the fact is you
got anxious. Identifying the
truth cues your rational voice to
say, “We all experience nerves
and no one cares.”Say your name
What’s in a name? More
than Shakespeare may have
thought. “Talking to
yourself using your name
bypasses the brain’s worry
center,” says Shure. “If I’m
beating myself up, I’ll say,
‘Jane, I understand you’re upset,
but it’s okay.’ ” As soon as we
hear our name, we take what
follows more seriously and
believe the encouraging words
we’re telling ourselves.Picture your inner critic. Does
she look like you? She shouldn’t,
cautions psychologist Emma
Seppälä, Ph.D., who explains
that we are not our thoughts.
“This awareness creates distance
between you and the voice of
self-blame.” And surprisingly,
one of the best ways to create
this space is by embracing your
naysayer: “If you tell your critic
to take a hike, it’ll come back
even louder,” she says. “Instead,
respond to it gently by saying,
‘Thanks for your input—I’ll
take it into consideration.’ ” This
polite brush-off takes
away your critic’s
power to bully you.Treat shame
like spam
To turn down the
volume on self-blame,
treat it as you would an
email, says psychologist
Jane Shure, Ph.D. “We’re
skeptical of the emails
that show up in our inboxEmma Seppälä, Ph.D.,
author of The Happiness
Track, is science director
of Stanford’s Center for
Compassion and Altruism
Research and Education.Jane Shure, Ph.D., is co-
founder of The Resilience
Group. Check out her TEDx
Talk , “ B o o st Re silience: Take
Charge of the Inner Critic &
Inner Worrier,” for more tips.Joy Jacobs, Ph.D., spe-
cializes in the treatment of
eating disorders, weight
management and anxiety
and has been featured on
The Doctors and Today.Some of the ugliest things we tell
ourselves involve body image.
To fight this negativity, gaze at
your ref lection in a mirror and
repeat an affirmation, such as,
“I deeply and completely accept
myself,” suggests psychologist
Joy Jacobs, Ph.D. “Doing so on
a daily basis rewires our brains
over time, short-circuiting our
inner critic,” she says. “It’s called
‘mirror work,’ and I’ve seen it
work miracles.”Ask this question
Our inner critic has a good twin:
the voice of self-compassion.
Says Seppälä, “It asks us, ‘What
do you need right now?’ That
could be calling a friend or tak-
ing a walk to clear your head.
By framing self-kindness asExperts promise we can put the nagging narrator
that tells us we’re not good enough on mute and
turn up the volume on our confidenceOur expert panel
Flip your script
Curb self-doubt
Be kind to you
Practice “mirror moxie”Ask (^) America’s Ultimate Experts
Ge
tty
;^ S
hu
tte
rst
oc
k
“Help me silence
my inner critic!”
24 8/12/19^ Woma n’s World