B
eing a celebrity woman in
the entertainment business
doesn’t exempt me from heart-
break or the ups and downs of love.
And my life sometimes imitates my
art. Playing Tasha on the hit TV
series Power gives me a chance to
bring raw emotions to the screen,
just as pouring my heart into my
music brings me joy. I’m currently
writing my own songs and working
on an extremely vulnerable album
that I can’t wait for you all to hear.
You’ll discover that at my core I’m
still the girl next door—the girl from
East Orange, New Jersey, who had
a dream. But I can use my voice to
empower other women, so I’m shar-
ing my story with you.
As a woman and a young mother,
I’ve learned that we should never
compromise our happiness for any-
one, especially in a relationship.
Women are used to sacrificing for
others, and sometimes that selfless-
ness becomes dysfunctional. You
know in your heart when you’re not
happy and when you’re feeling under-
valued. As soon as you realize that
you are settling or conceding yourwalk into work and be able to deliver.
And that’s hard. I went back to work
shortly after having my baby girl, and
I was trying to find my footing every
day. Since then, I’ve learned to be
unafraid and not compromise my happi-
ness for anyone, particularly a man.
As women, sometimes we say, “Well,
I don’t want to be with him because he’s
not this or he’s not that.” But sometimes
it’s not about what he is or isn’t. It’s
about what you need, sis. That’s another
valuable lesson I’ve learned. I made a
difficult choice to end a relationship
because I had to put my own needs first.
The truth is, I was afraid to become a
mother, and I honestly did not feel
ready. I was uncertain about my rela-
tionship and unsure if I was going to
get married. I wanted to have this
perfect life because I had seen it in
movies and my parents have been
married for 48 years. Then it hit me:
The perfect life that I envisioned may
not be God’s plan for me right now,
and it’s okay to be on my own jour-
ney as long as my daughter is healthy
and happy.
It took a while to get here. I went
to counseling and had a spiritualour breakup for two years, because I
was embarrassed and ashamed. I
recently wrote a song about it (“Stay
Too Long”) because I’m not afraid to
share what happened anymore.
Breaking up with someone you
love is real, and you might still have to
put on your lipstick and your heels,worth, you have to make a move.
Check in with yourself and say, Wait a
minute. Is this what I want? Is this who
I really am?
My ex and I broke up three months
after our daughter, Zuri, was born. I was
devastated. I didn’t tell anybody aboutDEAR SIS(^) B
O
D
Y
(^) &
(^) S
O
U
L
Never again
will I dim
my light for
anything or
anyone.”
ESSENCE.COM I 142 I SEPTEMBER 2019