7 December 2019 | New Scientist | 53The back pages Feedback
Where were we?
Some weeks ago (16 November),
Feedback introduced readers to
an online community of savvy
travellers content to get their thrills
by using the what3words mapping
service. Some of you have been
motivated to join them, but not
all have been satisfied.
Tim Rowe writes: “I was not
surprised that ‘use.homeopathic.
remedies’ got me nowhere at all. I
am more concerned that ‘read.new.
scientist’ and ‘subscribe.new.
scientist’ didn’t get me anywhere
either. I’m beginning to wonder how
reliable a guide that website is.”
Stuart Ardern has managed to
glean some useful information from
the site, however: he points out that
“dark.matter.location” is in the
Russian wilderness some way
north-east of Moscow. We have
sent our best reporter to look into it.
Stick figures
Give me a lever long enough
and a place to stand, said Greek
mathematician and noted bath-
taker Archimedes, and I can move
the world. Sure, Archie, sure, but I
bet you can’t take my photograph
at the same time.
Now, if only he had possessed
what is being called “the world’s
longest selfie stick”. Spelfie, a
UK-based company, is offering
customers the ability to contact a
satellite orbiting Earth and have it
take a photograph of the planet’s
surface from space. It’s an
incredibly valuable service if you
like your pictures taken from a
great distance, to not really have
much of you in them and to be
occasionally obscured by clouds.
Of course, as the keenest-eyed
among you will already have
noticed, the selfie stick in question
is entirely imaginary. Or, at least,
we think so – the publicity
material makes no mention
of a 36,000-kilometre-long rod
whooshing across Earth’s surface
as its camera end passes overhead.
Which raises the vexed question
of what exactly constitutes a selfie.
Surely the human subject of the
“There are no carbon
emissions,” it read. “If there were,
we could not see because most
carbon is black”, it – for some
reason – went on.
We are grateful to the author of
those words for splitting a hair so
fine that Feedback had assumed
its circumference was bound by
a single atom.
Carbon emissions aren’t, of
course, composed exclusively of
carbon. In a similar vein, we feel
obligated to point out that
humans cannot, in fact, shed
crocodile tears, no statements can
ever be made by the White House
as it is a building with no record
of sentience, and word salad isn’t
strictly a vegetable dish made
from phonemes, but rather a
meaningless garble invoked in
the service of a ridiculous point.
Possibly – but possibly not –
concerning climate change.Words words words
Just the other week, it seems,
Feedback was champing (note: not
literal champing) at the bit (added
note: no actual bit involved) at the
news that Collins Dictionary had
crowned the two-word phrase
“climate strike” as its 2019 word of
the year. Now we have to relive that
moment all over again thanks to the
Oxford Dictionaries’ decision to
bestow its parallel honour on the
term “climate emergency”.
What’s going on, dictionaries of
the world? Is there a word shortage
we’re not aware of? Or is it simply
that you are using your elevated
platforms to draw attention to a
vital issue, the salient points of
which are unfortunately not easily
condensable into one-word
slogans? Well, answer us: is it?
Oh. It is? Right then. That seems
fine to us. Carry on. ❚photograph is required at some
stage to physically interact with
the camera?
Nevertheless, Feedback is
excited enough about this new
opportunity for self- (or spelf-?)
promotion to overlook such
inaccuracies. On the plus side,
36,000 kilometres should be far
enough away to obviate the nose-
expanding distortion effect
associated with traditional selfies.Past caring
Not content with saving the
present, Swedish climate activist
Greta Thunberg is now on a mission
to save the past.
That is the only possible
conclusion to draw from an 1898
photo being shared online that
shows a young woman working
at a gold mine in Canada who bears
an uncanny resemblance to Greta.
There are no recognised SI units
for facial similarity, unfortunately,
but Feedback would unscientifically
declare the two a nearly 100 per
cent match.
The inevitable explanation is
that the photograph, currently in
the possession of the University of
Washington in Seattle, represents
the first known evidence of time
travel. It stands to reason: after all,
if you had access to a time machine,
wouldn’t you take advantage of
your modern-day knowledge by
digging for gold? It would also be a
fabulously ethical way of supporting
your current-day climate activism,
only contributing to climate
emissions that already exist.
The only suspicious element
in this whole business seems
to be that Greta is in colour while
this 19th-century gold miner
appears to be almost entirely
monochrome. Stay tuned as
we investigate further.Invisible carbon
An article in The Australian caught
Feedback’s eye this week – or, to be
more precise, a pull quote in an
image shared on Twitter that can
ultimately be traced back to an
article in The Australian.Got a story for Feedback?
Send it to New Scientist, 25 Bedford Street,
London WC2E 9ES or you can email us at
[email protected]Twisteddoodles for New Scientist