40 | 8 AUGUST 2019 http://www.drum.co.za
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DOLLY
I’m 25 yearsoldandmygirlfriendis 24.We’ve
beentogetherforaboutfivemonthsnow,and
shehasa sonfroma previousrelationship.
ShealwayscomplainsthatI don’tgivehermoney
andsaysshehastotakecareofherchild.
I volunteerasa teacherattheschoolinmyvillage
andwhenI toldherthatI’mnotyetgettingpaidshe
didn’tbelieveme.
I dounderstandthatsheneedstotakecareofthe
childandI trytoshareeverycentI domanageto
makebutaccordingtoherit’sneverenough.
I loveherbutsincehermaincomplaintis financial,
doyouthinkshelovesme,ordoesshejustwanthelp
tosupportherchild?
DOUBTINGPARTNER,EMAILSometimes we have to remember that people have
different ways of viewing what a good relationship
should entail. Your partner seems to have the notion
that if you don’t support her financially then you do not love
her and the baby.
She fails to see that you are doing your best to assist her
financially so she can take care of her child even though the
child is not yours.
Her demanding nature makes her forget that you’re not
obligated to help her raise the child but are doing it out of love.
Talk to her about how her being unappreciative of your efforts
makes you feel.
She also needs to understand that her bickering affects you
because you’re trying your best to please her with the little
you have.
If she does not value what you are doing for her then she
does not deserve you. It really sounds as if she’s using you to
take care of her child.‘Adayofworryismoreexhausting
thana weekofwork’
- BRITISHBANKERANDPOLITICIANJOHNLUBBOCK
I thinkmybossmight
beaftermyboyfriend.
Theymetata work
functionwhereourpartners
wereinvitedalongandthey
gotonverywell.
Theyhavemeta coupleof
timessincethenaswelland
sheseemstoflirtwithhim.
I’veaskedmyboyfriendand
hejokesandsaysit’sbecause
he’ssucha greatguybutit
makesmeveryuncomfortable.
It makesmefeelbadatwork
andsometimesI doubtmy
boyfriendaswell,eventhough
he’sdonenothingwrong.
I wanttoconfrontmyboss
butI’mscaredit willcause
problems.
WhatcanI do?
WORRIEDEMPLOYEE,EMAILAlwayslistentoyour
instinct.Thatlittlevoice
insideyouthat’sleftyou
feelinguncertainandtalkstowhat
yoursixthsenseisfeelingshould
neverbeignored.
Thefactthatyou’reuncomfort
ableaboutit meansit can’tjustbe
dismissed.Insteadofconfronting
yourbossaboutthis,youandyour
partnershouldtalkaboutit.
Youneedtoexplaintohimclearly
whatit isthatgivesyouthisuneasy
feeling.
Bothofyouneedtobecalmand
rationalwhenyoudiscussthisand
comeupwithsolutionsfordealing
withit.
Goslowandhandlethediscussion
withcautionsoit doesn’tescalate
andcauseunnecessaryconflictin
yourrelationship.I havebeenina rela-
tionshipwithmy
partner for nine years
and we’ve lived together for
most of that time, with my
11-year-old son from my
previous relationship.
My son doesn’t know that
my partner is not his dad.
We’ve always felt he was still
too young to know the truth.
But now we have a three-
month-old baby and I feel this
is the right time to tell him,
especially since his biological
father has moved back into
the area again.
He calls my partner “Daddy”
and I don’t want to ruin the
close relationship they have.
How do I tell him without
breaking his heart or making
him angry?
CONCERNED MOM, EMAILIt’ssadthatsometimeswe
makedecisionsbelieving
they are for the good of the
family but in the long run find they
backfire and hurt the people we’re
trying to protect. It must have been
hard for you to keep pretending to
your son about the identity of his
father. But it’s time to tell him the
truth now – and it ideally needs
to be done in a safe, controlled
environment.
Your son’s emotional stability is
at stake here and you need to tread
carefully with this.
I suggest you consult a child
psychologist before doing anything.
You’ll get guidance on how to have
this important talk with your son
and help him process it.
A child psychologist will be able
to talk you through the pros and
cons and give advice on how to
support your son going forward.MY BOSS WANTS MY BOYFRIEND
HOW DO I TELL HIM THE TRUTH?
IS SHE IN IT FOR MONEY?
ADVICE