Women’s Health UK – September 2019

54 | SEPTEMBER 2019

your senses are heightened

as you strive for balance.

Focusing on the path in front

of me, I eased myself into a

gradual rhythm, getting used

to the bounce of the blade;

pushing through the fear,

adrenaline pumping.

Amazingly, I enjoyed it.

That summer, I took part in

my first triathlon – something

I never thought I’d do. The

Superhero Series is an annual

disability triathlon at Dorney

Lake in Windsor. I tag-teamed

it with my family – I took on

the 400m swim and my dad followed

with the 10k bike ride, with my sister seeing

us to the finish line with a 2.5k run. When

I emerged from the lake, I couldn’t stop

smiling. The following year, I did it again,

adding in a 1k run on my blade. It was the

first official running event I’d taken part

in since becoming an amputee. I was, to

put it mildly, terrified (I wore knee and

elbow pads). As I crossed the finish line,

my family were in tears. It was a symbolic

moment for all of us.

I’ll never be the person I used to be.

I plan more, worry more and have become

far more sensitive. While you’d never know

it to look at me, my feelings about my body

fluctuate between confidence and crippling

insecurity. There are times when I still feel

exposed without my leg on, and I live in fear

of returning to the wheelchair because of

a blister or ill-fitting prosthesis. Nor am

I immune to the negative thoughts that

nagged at me before the accident. I still

don’t have a flat stomach; I still scroll

through Instagram and fall into the same

anxious comparison wormhole that you

probably know all too well.

But the whole concept of body confidence

has changed for me. If it used to represent

weight loss and unrealistic beauty standards,

now it means acceptance. I’m focused on

building strength and maintaining muscle,

because I know how good it feels to be on

two legs, heart pounding and endorphins

pumping. Whenever doubts about my

appearance niggle, a glance at my stump

and my scars provides a hefty dose of

perspective. They’re a reminder that I’m

lucky to be alive and well.

Five Steps To Happy by Ella Dove

(£14.99, Trapeze) is out now

‘Whenever doubts about

my appearance niggle, my

stump provides perspective’

Ella’s

running

blade

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